Dearest Jessica..My Journey of life

Three years with Josh!

2011-12-23T04:00:00.000-02:00

Josh has been home for 3 years now. He has grown into the funniest kid. He is all about super heroes. His current favorite toy is his remote control cars.

He loves his new little brother and in his prayers each night tells Jesus thank you for letting Nathan spend the night again.

He is a sweet heart.

Recently I received this poem:

A birth mother's tears as she ponders your fate.
Your new mother's tears when she sees your face.

Tears of a child crying alone,as it waits for new parents,
A new family, a new home.

That tentative smile, that sly little grin.
A glimmer of hope emerging within.

You were waiting for us, we were looking for you.
We both needed a family, our search is now through.
-author unknown

Life was forever changed with this guy, if you would like to read more of his story check the archives here.

Nathan's Adoption

2011-12-22T15:50:00.001-02:00

He has only been home with us for 10 weeks. But our amazing attorney surprised us and got us on the docket early. On Nathan's 3'rd Birthday after spending 1058 days as a foster kid he now is ours forever. I never would have guessed that I would have been as relaxed as I was. The past 2 adoptions I remember just looking around wondering if someone was going to change their minds. It may be the 4 kids that have worn me down and I no longer have the brain capacity to worry about such things anymore. But this time was different. It felt complete. Little stress and like we were crossing the finish line of a marathon. In all of 15 minutes it was over,but our future was totally changed!

As I am trying to tell the Judge how much we care for Nathan, my husband is having to correct the kids from running circle around me.

We then have to switch kids due to some fussing....neither of us remember what we said.

Us with our very sweet Judge.

Us with our attorney- Great Woman!

I have also notice from the pictures that I have also lost my brain capacity to schedule a hair appointment and I should really be running a few more miles!

After we finished at the court house we headed to the park across the street.

We had a great day. Left the park with 3 kids crying, one kid with peed pants and another mad because she had sat in the pee puddle. That is our life these days. Tear, laughter, pee and a forever family!

My Babies turn 3!

2011-12-21T16:00:00.001-02:00

I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get back to blogging. Life is really busy. All with wonderful things, but by the time the kids are in bed and the house is quiet each evening I am done. All creativity and energy is spent on making their/our/my life fun.

In have spent the last few weeks planning the party for my little people. Because it was Nathan's first birthday with us we wanted to go all out. He and Josie's Birthday's are five days apart. Both kiddos are loving Micky these days so it was an easy choice for a themed Mickey and Minnie party!

We've never rented a bounce house before but figured this was a good time to try it out. Nathan's adoption was finalized the day before so we got it to celebrate as a family and it was left over for the party. It was perfect all the kids stayed in it for hours! I am now considering buying one, I just need to come up with a few thousand dollars!

It's a little crazy trying to open presents with 2 kiddos, I never know what came from who.

The day was fun and crazy. We were all exhausted by the end of it, but wonderful memories were made. Gosh, I love being their Mom!

Adoption Bloggers Interview Project.

2011-11-17T07:02:00.003-02:00

This year in honor of National Adoption Month I am taking part in a special interview project. Feel free to click on the logo above to read other adoptive families journeys. During this project I was matched up with another blogger to interview each other. I had the pleasure of spending the last few weeks reading through Amber's blog.

A few words I would use to describe Amber are resilient, kind, humorous, persistent and an advocate. She is a mother of one sweet little guy adopted through open domestic adoption. She and her husband had a long journey with infertility and then chose to adopt domestically. That in itself was a long difficult journey with 3 interrupted adoptions. I love the way she writes about her difficulties and joyous times through life. Often there is a funny hint of sarcasm that leaves me with a smile on my face. I am sure you will enjoy her story as much as I have.

Life in the Last Frontier

Jessica: How did you decide to adopt domestically?

Amber :Insert the standard story about infertility here… but seriously, I always predicted I wouldn’t be able to have kids, and adoption has been a normal topic in our extended family for a long time, so I was always open to it. As far as choosing domestic adoption versus international, that decision was made mostly for logistical reasons. I absolutely detest flying, and most countries require that one or both parents travel to the country to adopt a child (rightfully so). That didn’t really feel right to us. It would have been expensive and taking weeks off work before the child even came home was something I didn’t really want to do.

Jessica:What factors did you consider when you chose to take a child from a different race? ( fears? Is there more of a need for families for kids of his race?)

Amber: To be perfectly honest, it was never something we had to talk much about. We really didn’t care what race our children would be. We were ready from day one to respect and appreciate a child’s race/culture/heritage regardless of if it matched ours or not. During our education period for the home study, we were enlightened more to the importance of making sure our children are exposed to other children and positive adults that are the same race they are.

Jessica: Why did you choose open adoption, and what do you believe are the benefits of open adoption?

Amber: When we first started the process, I was terrified of open adoption. We had just been through three years of infertility treatment and I didn’t know much about open adoption. We all fear things we don’t understand, and I’m certainly no exception! Our agency spent some time educating us on the benefits to the child as well as both sets of parents. We built upon that foundation with our own research about open adoption and it didn’t take long at all to realize that, if done properly, it would be the best thing for our child(ren).

Jessica :How do you plan to tell your son his story of how he came to you?

Amber: With total honesty. We’ll of course tailor the story to be appropriate for his age and what he can handle, but I want him to know that his birthmom loved him (and does love him) very very much and that’s why she chose adoption for him. (Note, I didn’t say that’s why she chose US, because I don’t want to give him the impression that we think we are better than her or anything like that.) She was in a bad place in her life and was not able to take care of him the way he needed her to, so she did the next best thing.

Jessica :What was the hardest part of your adoption journey so far?

Amber: Without a doubt, three failed adoptions. I am grateful to have never known the pain of miscarriage or losing a child in that way, but I lost two of them (one of them two separate times) and that is incredibly difficult as well.

Jessica: Is your family complete? Do you plan to adopt again, why or why not?

Amber: I very much want to adopt again. However, we aren’t getting any younger, and it turns out people mean it when they say kids are expensive! So, we will see how things go once we get some debts paid off. We are a two-working-parent family and our son goes to what is commonly believed to be the best daycare in town, so it is pretty expensive. There’s no way I can send two of them there right now!

Jessica: What do you hope people take away from your blog?

Amber: I hope that they can feel the love I have for my son and my family, and my genuine love and appreciation of open adoption. I hope that they know how much I cherish my role as a mother. As cheesy as it sounds, I wish I could educate everyone in the world about adoption. There are so many people who are scared away from it because of bad information or sources that are jaded by their own negative experiences. Oh, and I hope they learn how beautiful and miraculous of a place I live in. And hopefully they take away a chuckle or two now and then. ;)

Don't forget to check out the other Blogging pairs here.

Check here for her interview with me.

Don't forget it's National Adoption Month, look into it, it's a life changer!

Meeting the Mouse for the first time~!

2011-11-16T08:45:00.000-02:00

Trying to catch a peek.

Getting close.

Waiting it hard.

And this is the happiest place on earth...

After she gave them each a hug she just stood back and stared like she was star struck.

She couldn't even speak.

And this picture made the day worth it!

The girls meet real life Princesses!

2011-11-14T20:36:00.005-02:00

We took the kids to Disney this past weekend. It wasn't all fun and games (more on that later), but the kids had fun! Josie is pretty mesmerized by all things Disney these days. Don't tell all the other kids but I planned this trip mostly for her. She is in love with Micky Mouse and knows all the princesses names.

I love Josie's face in this, you can tell she is thinking, "seriously you have put up with this lady all these years?"

Super Excited to see the shows!

Getting to meet Ariel.

She loved the starfish in her hair, and asked her for it.

Mesmerized by Bell.

She couldn't keep her eyes off of them.

She told her she liked her dress.

This is the look of Sleeping Beauty as she ask if Josie belongs to us. I smile and nod...she has never been my favorite.

The castle is currently lit with thousands of Christmas lights. Absolutely beautiful!

Taking pictures of all four kids....

2011-11-14T19:56:00.001-02:00

It's hard, it's difficult and down right annoying to get them all looking at the camera... and happy. Nathan hates his picture taken, Josh has a short attention, Josie is moody and Abbie gets annoyed that I can't get the shot I want in one try.

(I think Josie saw a bird,Josh is trying to figure out if he can shrink, Nathan is plotting his revenge and Abbie is thinking these babies better get this right!)

So I gave up on the boys and talked to moody one into it and was able to get cute shot of the girls. After each picture session I say to the boys, this is how you're going to be remembered...I want you to know this is your fault! They don't really care.

So our amazing family memories will be documented by these two Diva's. Their brother's were there, they just had better things to do.

All in a years time....

2011-11-14T00:52:00.001-02:00

Just over a year ago I was starring at this picture.

I had received an email from our social work of a little girl she had been telling me about. I had read her email over and over trying to soak in the words I was reading. I was replaying the conversation with the social worker about this little girls history. I kept reading,asking myself can I do this. Am I ready to parent this little girl. Am I willing to take another huge risk as to falling in love and loosing her? She wasn't yet legally free for adoption but they felt the case going that way. We were told the social worker and the foster parents were pushing for placement to ensure that when she was legally free for adoption she could quickly begin her new life in her forever family. I didn't know if I was up for it. Her story was pretty hard. I was beginning to come up with my answers to her questions in the next 18 years, did I have the right ones? I called Nathaniel filled him in.....we sat on the phone in silence. Could we do this? We wanted to, we wanted her.... we knew we wanted her to be ours...but were we capable? At this point I only knew her sad beginning. Later in the evening I went back in to read the email again. For the first time I noticed a picture was attached. My heart stopped for a second. I had been trying to picture her face. What did she look like? Was she big or little? Did she have brown or green eyes? Did she have hair?

After what seemed like the longest download in history I saw her face.
I knew I couldn't say no. I would take the risk, I wasn't really in control anymore. My heart had seen the twinkle in her eyes and the list of issues no longer mattered. The Questions she would have for me I would search high and low for the right answer. I knew my life wouldn't be complete with her.

Today she is the same little girl, with the same twinkle in her eye. What the documents of issues and health concerns didn't mention was that she sings the best twinkle little star ever. She brightens everyone day, and was totally worth the risk at a broken heart.

Nathan- 6weeks home

2011-11-10T10:33:00.002-02:00

Nathan has been home with us for 6 weeks now! I just hired our adoption attorney and we are at the half way mark to finalization! We had a social work visit last week and she wanted to know if we were still on track to complete the adoption in December. I paused for a second thinking what is she talking about. She should know what is going on with the case, this is her job right ?!?!?!? All of the sudden I realize she is asking me if I still want this kid, when the truth of the matter is I wake up each day wondering if they are really going to let me have him.

He is adjusting well. He is pushing a lot of boundaries with the therapist he doesn't often with us. If he is throwing a tantrum we have gotten to the point that we know it's because he doesn't quite understand what is happening, or he is 2 and that is what he wants to do at the moment. Nathan it hearing impaired so he he often misses parts of the conversation, we are still learning to make sure he is getting it all. We are also still learning to keep track of his hearing aids, ensure he wears them regularly and they are in good working order. The other day I was so pleased that they were not squealing. I realized halfway through out the day he was not responding to me very well with things he usually gets. I checked his hearing aids and the batteries were dead! Yeah, I felt like Mother of the year.

Nathan has had to overcome some challenges but he is really smart. He knows all of his colors and shapes. He is singing songs, and his speech is growing by at least 10 words a day. He doesn't use sign language very often unless he is signing "eat", which is his favorite thing to do.

He is attaching to us very well. He loves to be rocked in the rocking chair or just be held. He is still learning to let us know his needs and we are still figuring out his. He seems to have a special relationship with Abbie. She is usually able to convince him to do anything. She will say really hard words and he will repeat them They usually are the same words or activities the therapist are having a hard time getting him to do. This morning I came to the breakfast table and Abbie had out a a color & shape puzzle and was making him work. He was doing everything perfectly.

He loves to play with Josh and has learned how to use a fake sword. His new phrase has become "high ya"....and then he proceeds to hit something. Josh thinks its down right funny and encourages the game.

He and Josie, have a very close love / hate relationship. I often find them on the couch sitting way to close for what I would think was comfortable, and they will also fight for the most coveted toy and neither is going to give in until someone is hurt.

He runs to the door when Daddy gets home and tried to push to the front of the crowd.

He prefers me over everyone else, which I love. Until, I have to leave and then I feel awful!
Randomly he will come up to me to give me a kiss. He likes to just come and sit in my lap and then will leave 10 minutes later.

My favorite thing he is currently doing is praying, I love the way he folds his chubby little hands.

I keep wondering what he will be like in a few months, a year. He just is blossoming daily. I am excited to see what is ahead... and feeling pretty darn lucky they are letting me have him!

Snapshot of my living room-

2011-11-09T16:28:00.001-02:00

This is the boxing ring I walked in on the other day. It was all fun and games, no one got hurt in the making of this blog post.

Josh is full of testosterone these days. He has been teaching Nathan to fight with him , which he loves. However, sometimes Josie wants to join in the fun. I am unsure as to why no fights can ever be done with your shirt on, but this is what I see daily.

Nathan's sitting this fight out because he would rather watch T.V., you can see Josh getting distracted and Josie planning her move.

Can you hear the "High YA!!!"s?

Josh seems to be taking the lead......

And Josie retreats.....

I am sure she will stay up late at night planning her revenge or recalculating what her better move will be next time!

Family Day-Beginning to feel settled!

2011-11-08T16:17:00.002-02:00

We had a family day last Saturday. We have been really busy adjusting to our growing family, health issues and just business. We had a wonderful day just relaxing and being together.

We are beginning to feel settled, the chaos is feeling like more of a routine as opposed to a mountain to climb. Amazed at the people I am spending my life with.

Halloween

2011-11-04T10:58:00.000-02:00

Abbie got to dress up for the day at school. She wanted to be her favorite book character. We had a hard time finding the right clothes for her to be Amelia Bedilla so she went as her second favorite- Junie B.Jones

Here are Abbie and Annalise- Both Junie B.Jones
Abbie is supposed to be the Junie from "There is a Monster Under my Bed-

Later in the evening we headed out to go trick-or-treating!

Here are my little super heroes, ready to save the world!
Josie insisted on being "Super Girl", I tried to convince her that super girl doesn't wear a crown. You can see who won that battle.

Nathan is trying to decided if they are all crazy.

Josh insisted on showing us each piece of candy he got. He also took a mental inventory and has notice each time something is missing from the bucket.

Checking our little sissy's loot.

He refused to ever leave the stroller, and was please with his one blow pop for the entire night!

He didn't even mind sharing.

Eventually Josie decided that the running was for the birds too and started to dig into her candy.

Dad's already trying to steal a piece. Rookie mistake I think- you have to wait until the kids are in bed!

The mass load of kids we joined!

The kids had a blast and each day they wake up asking for candy. ;-/

Fall Party-Yes, another one!

2011-11-03T10:46:00.000-02:00

After the last little gathering Abbie was totally convinced that I DO all the fun stuff while she is at school. Since she had a school Holiday the next week we invited all the cousins over and did everything again!

We decided to try and "carve" pumpkins this time. I really should never do this with out my husband around, but he has been busy at work so I just bit the bullet...all in the name of tradition!

Josh was pretty grossed out and refused to touch it. He ask to go to bed instead. Because I am a good mom and I wanted pictures I refused to let him have any of the special treats until he tried it. Eventually I got busy and he sneaked out of the room with a chocolate covered marshmallow!

I found this cute little face pieces, the kids liked making the Pumpkin into a Mr.Potato head.

My princess Rock Star.

Abbie loves this tradition.

Little Pig.

A "dog"

Since the kids had the whole day off from school I ignored the chores of the day and sat and did crafts with them. At the end of the day I had a tired body, but a full heart!

And sometimes....the mess is worth it!

Celebrating Fall!

2011-11-02T10:39:00.002-02:00

So I had been feeling like I needed to force myself to live life. It's a full time job keeping up with the doctor's appointments, therapy times and social worker visits. I was missing the old days where I had time to do fun things with my kids. I don't want them to think that the only people we know are the therapist and nurses at the doctors office. I was afraid of the mess and extra work, but we really had a lot of fun!

Here are the snacks we made for our special friends.

This is Josh's playmate Allison, he loves her so much he is willing to combine the game of super hero's with house!

Josh, only enjoyed painting for like 5 minutes and then all he wanted to do was eat marshmallows!

This it Bryan, Josie loves him, and he doesn't seem to mind her physical expression of love with all her hugs.

Nathan didn't get much paint on the pine-cone, but he had fun. I was thankful it was all washable.

We play dress up as a mummy, Josh ended up looking more like a terrorist.

Josie was convinced she was a Ghost!

I am thankful to my girl friends for being willing to come over and play. Thankful to have people in my life that I feel comfortable with having them over even when the floors are dirty and I hadn't really talked to them in the last few weeks since our new addition, broken arms..etc.

A busy life...a gift.

2011-10-24T17:52:00.003-02:00

I can't really keep it together these days. Often I am not sure if I am coming or going. The four little faces above are taking up the majority of my days. We have two kids in 2 different schools that require 4 trips of pick up and drop offs. Therapy 4 afternoons a week and an audiology teacher that comes one morning a week. Throw in the regular jobs of making dinner, grocery shopping and laundry and I am spinning several plates at a time.
I was trying to have an important conversation with Nathaniel over the phone last week, he couldn't hear me because it was so loud in the house. I asked him if he would please call all the people who have left me messages in recent weeks and let them know that I will call them as soon as the house is quiet....in 10 years.
All of our kids have one medical need or another. None are major deals currently they just require numerous doctors appts or some type of therapy. We are just now beginning to realize that this is the commitment we made when we checked that small box on the adoption paper work that says we will accept special needs. As the past couple weeks have been crazy each time I would get overwhelmed with something I would say in my head I don't have time for this, usually because I was doing something else important. Not because I didn't want to do it.
So this has been me these past couple of weeks.
I have the urgent things,the meds to be passed out, the treatments to be done, the at home therapy follow ups, the baths, the hair braids, the laundry, the snuggles, the lullabies, the pumpkin patch, the crafts, the games, the playing outside, the tickles and kissing each one good night. But someone would spill their milk, or dump cheerios all over the car floor and I would start whining...I don't have time for this. Last week I let my head get quiet for a bit and stopped complaining. I heard the voice that calms my spirit say, "THIS is what I gave you to do."
My house isn't quiet, our house isn't clean. But at the end of the day I am doing what I was made to do. I am raising 4 of the most amazing human beings in the world. It's a big job, but I am glad it's mine. They are an amazing gift.

Things I don't want to forget-

2011-10-20T12:19:00.002-02:00

I'll be honest a few of the following things currently get on my nerves,
but I also know one day I am going to miss them.

How loud it really is in our house...
Josie telling me yesterday her eyes were raining.
Hearing Josh and Nathan talking to each other at 5:30am this morning.
Seeing Abbie and Josie crawl back in bed together snuggling under the covers because they were cold.
Having Abbie call all her siblings over so she can read a book, then getting annoyed that Josie was the only one paying attention.
All the noise of the kids.
Josie changing 10 times a day, usually into clothes from the hamper.
The fact that Josie can't put a regular shirt on no matter how hard she tries because her hair it to big.
Josh teaching Nathan at the dinner table to say "yea baby".
Josie and Nathan feeding the dog at every single meal.
How loud the kids are.
Josie asking if the sun was awake when she gets up in the morning.
Nathan screaming "Hi" to me as I walk in each morning.
Family Dance Parties.
Josie asking me to turn the radio up over and over.
Nathan's giggle at everything his brother does.
The fact that is sounds like a heard of elephants live up stairs.
Abbie being convinced that I do a ton of fun stuff with the little kids, while she is at school.
Josie asking me to rock her before bed.
Nathan learning to make the dramatic sound of being squeezed when we hug him.
Me being really concerned that the dance party up stairs will cause someone to come through the ceiling down stairs.
Hearing Josie sing theme songs to her favorite shows through monitor, while she is supposed to be sleeping.
Josh asking everyday after school if he has to take a nap.
Abbie showing off her math regrouping skills and thinking it's amazing, convinced I never taught her that because I called it carrying and borrowing.
Lastly, Did I mention how loud it is in our house?

Pumkin Patch 2011

2011-10-17T12:16:00.001-02:00

Nathan just ran and ran...

Made him sit for a second..but he refused to look at the camera. Everything was just to interesting.

Only shot I was able to get before they all ran in different directions 30 seconds later.

Josie kept picking out ones that were way to big for her to carry, she was pretty confident she should have been able to pick it up. Then proceeded to get mad when she could not.

On the hunt.

She was teasing me and refused to look at the camera.

Yes, Nathan is the current favorite.

Trying to keep him in one place, requires keeping his feet off the ground.

Holding on tight to try and get a family picture.

Nathaniel was chasing Nathan at the moment..these 3 thought this would be a funny picture.

She is always ready to pose.

He is the hardest to get a natural smile from... but he is still cute!

Birthday Season!

2011-10-01T09:07:00.000-02:00

September is Birthday Season around here! We have several during the month in our family, include Josh and Abbie.

I can't believe Josh is FOUR! His birthday fell on a school day, so I made these fun cake pops for him to share with his class. They were super easy. I had planned to make him a special treat a few months ago when I realized his birthday would be a school day. However, throw in a new brother and his big sister having surgery a few days before and his wonderful Mom forgot it was coming so soon. I lost a few days with the hospital stay and seriously thought i had another week until I looked at the calendar. So I lost a couple of hours of sleep and made these fancy cake-pops, I made over done it considering how guilty I was feeling.

He loved his new police hat that thankfully I bought months ago and had stored in the closet.

It must have been God's provision, but I planned the kids birthday party 6 weeks ago. The first day of school I had sent out an invitation stating I knew the next few weeks looked crazy for us. I went and bought the last few decorations I needed that afternoon just Josie and I. Oddly, that was the last free day I've had. Between car accidents, hospital stays, social workers and trying to attach to a new 2 year old. This is one time I am glad my OCD issue of planning worked out.

We had a fancy dirt cakes for dessert.

This year we chose I theme that was perfect for a four and a 7 year old. We did all things GROSS. They were allowed to fart, burp and eat with their hands. They giggled all night.

It was a crazy night, but I think they will remember it for a long time.

Abbie's favorite gift was her fish that she has been asking for. I had refused due to the fact that I didn't want one more thing to take care of. I also thought it may not survive with a 4 year old brother and 2 two year old running around. However, we had also planned ahead on her birthday gift and bought a gift certificate to a local jumping gym full of trampolines. She would have loved it. We felt guilty giving her a gift she wouldn't be able to use for a few months due to her broken arm. Plus I am not really sure I ready to have her jumping on a trampoline anytime soon!

It was a fun night, the house was trashed for two days but memories were made. I love watching them grow up. It's the hardest most rewarding job I have ever had. Now we are getting ready to prepare for the next birthday season in December. When my 2 two year olds turn 3!
Times flying by!

Surprise.....We are a family of 6!

2011-09-30T14:30:00.003-02:00

It's been a crazy year.... and it just got crazier, louder and a lot more fun.

Introducing: Nathan Andrew Issac
God's gift, Brave, to laugh.

Nathan and Josie had been in the same foster home since they were infants. They are 5 days apart and slept in cribs next to each other for almost 2 years. From the time we brought Josie home she would wake up each morning asking for Nathan. Each time we got in the car she would ask if we were going to see him. When we were first introduced to Josie we heard the sounds of another little voice in the other room. After a few meetings at the foster home curiosity got the best of me and I asked why he was still there. We were told initially that he had a home and would be placed soon. Due to Josie's case taking so long we got to know this little guy quite well. He has the most amazing laugh and is a great cuddle bug.
After Josie was placed we continued to visit her foster family who have become such a sweet part of our family. After Josie's adoption was final, I asked again why he was still waiting. This Mommas heart had a hard time watching these two separate and have the joy of Josie finding her forever family while this guy just waited. I saw Josie's love for him and I was falling in love with him, but trying to guard my heart. Mostly because I thought he had a home already, who would give us another kid so soon and the thought of four kids seemed like a lot!

Honestly, things fell into place pretty quickly. Once the court decided not to wait on his other placement he was placed with us with in 3 weeks. I never thought it would really happen. It's been a load of fun, and a lot of work. We are still processing all that has happened. The month of September has been a busy busy month.
More details to come when I have the time, but I couldn't keep the secret any longer!

Lots of first for Nathan, as he learned how to swim and the joys of a big sister!

The Joy of a brother!~
Josh loves having Nathan get to "spend the night" every night.

Excited he gets to go home too!

Nathan and Josie on their first Christmas together,sweet little one year olds.

And now they get to be together forever!

No longer waiting...He found his forever home!

First Broken Bone!

2011-09-23T16:37:00.001-02:00

From the time Abbie was around 6 months old I figured we were in for a broken bone or at least stitches soon. She is a crazy kid always looking for a thrill and adventure. She doesn't really know the meaning of the word caution.

Two weeks ago I got a call from her school nurse asking me to come in and check her out. My usually class half empty self was scared for a second. However,knowing my daughter and her usual drama and adventure seeking, I figured she must have discovered the thrill of the school nurses office. Since Abbie was previously homeschooled all things public school are a new adventure to be had. I asked the nurse if she thought her arm was broken and she said she couldn't diagnose issues that she wanted me to come look at her. Once I walked into the office one look at her wrist and I knew it was broken. She was still crying hysterically, and it was genuine.

Abbie has been telling me about these "Money Bars" at school since day one. Below is picture from the first week of school's ice cream social. She spent most of her time on this bar.

Apparently, that afternoon during P.E. Abbie was showing her friend some of her Gymnastic skills. She said she was "casting" back and forth when her hands slipped and she fell to the ground. She was embarrassed when she started crying in front of her class when her teacher told her she thought it was broken.

So we headed to the emergency room. What I had not bargained for was her to break her arm in two places. The break in her wrist required the doctors to rebreak it and set it in place. In addition to that the break in her elbow required surgery to repair. We spent 3 days in the hospital. She was in a lot of pain. She is now in a cast until next week with pins in her elbow. She gets those removed next week and will be getting a new cast so her arm continues to heal.

She ended up missing 8 days of school so all her class mates sent her "Get Well" cards. Thankfully we were used to homeschooling so she wasn't surprised by the make up work.

Due to the fact that she broke her dominate arm she has had to learn how to do everything with her left hand. Everything has been a challenge. But as usually she is always up for learning something new and the adventure of it all. Just before surgery she was asking for a pen and paper to practice learning how to write her name with her left hand.

It has been challenging, and several tears have been shed. She is refusing to ever get on the Monkey Bars again. But she does have a pretty cool story to tell and I think she will be back on the Monkey Bars way before I am ready for her to be!

School Lunch- Home made vs.Buying

2011-09-02T16:14:00.003-02:00

I was one of the kids that got the "free lunches" at school. My family didn't have a lot of money. I often ate breakfast and lunch at school. Sometimes it really was the only food I could count on getting to eat that day. One of my best friends in elementary school always brought her lunch. She had a cute girly lunch box. She had the kind of Mom I longed to have. Her Mom put notes in her lunch and cut her sandwiches in to cute little shapes. I hated the school lunch. I hated eating food that touched. There would always be some sloppy lunch lady that would get the mixed fruit juice all over my square pizza. But food was food and when you're hungry you eat.

I decided right then and there that when I had kids I was going to be that Mom. I was going to be the Mom my best friend had. My kids would get notes in there lunches and their sandwiches would be cute little shapes. My kids would be the the kid that all the other children coveted their lunch.
Fast forward 20 years and here I am trying to stay true to my grade school promise to myself. My kids have the cutest monogrammed lunch boxes. I have been working for weeks making homemade treats for their lunches. I even ordered a special sandwich cutter to make cute sandwiches for them. I have a stack of index cards next to the fridge and several colored markers to make cute notes for them. I place the note in a zip-lock back you know so the words don't smear and blotch from the dew of their drinks and they are able to see my special words of love for them. I even added the cutest little bottle of hand sanitizer to keep them healthy and clean.
All of these little details to me say," your Mom loves you more than all the other kids!", " You are more special than anyone else!", "lots of time and energy went into this because your Mom, is the best Mom in the world!"

This plan has worked perfectly for the last 2 years when Abbie has only gone to school one day a week. She has always loved my notes. I've added family pictures or silly bands to change things up and keep it exciting. Now that she is in school everyday it's getting harder to remember all the little details, plus she is not the only special lunch I am making anymore.
The other day as Abbie goes to jump out of the car at school, I suddenly remember that I forgot to write her a note. I profusely apologize and promise to remember tomorrow. She then asked, "well, did you leave the note in there from yesterday?" I told her no, I had to clean it all out. Then she tells me, " well you could have left it in there, I never read it...." Since then she has purposely "forgotten" her fancy monogrammed lunch box at school so that she has to buy the school lunch.

Today as I was thinking about it, it made me giggle. At first my feelings were a little hurt that she had not noticed all my little details and the way I was trying to show her I loved her. I realized that I already am that Mom. The one I longed for and hoped to be...so much so that my daughter can take me for granted. She doesn't have to worry about not getting to eat that day. She doesn't have to worry about others knowing that she is on the "free lunch" program. She doesn't have to worry about her food touching or tasting gross because if she doesn't like it she can just eat at home. She already knows I love her so she doesn't need the fancy lunch box or note to tell her, I already did.

Josie-6 Months Home

2011-08-31T14:21:00.003-02:00

Goodness, this girl has stolen my heart! She has her Daddy and I wrapped around her finger. She is full of sugar and a lot of spice. She can infuriate me as she refused to clean up her toys and make me fall more in love as she comes up to me and say " Mama, you wanna snuggle?"

We have been getting a little bit of alone time together as Josh goes to school for 3 hours a day. She has been right by my side as we clean, organize and cook. She always wants to be in on the action. It's hard to remember what life was with out her and think that she has only been with us for little over 6 months. What an amazing blessing she has been.

She has gone through a huge growth spurt! She is wearing size 3 clothes and has grown 3 shoes sizes since we brought her home! She has been dismissed from her Physical Therapy and Occupational therapy because she is now testing above her age level. She is about to be dismissed from her speech therapies for the same reason.
Her favorite thing to do it color, the world is her canvas.....literally. The walls, kitchen cabinets, her clothes, her body the floor etc. She finds coloring books boring. She is very tactile and has to touch everything to actually understand it. She doesn't mind picking up bugs or animals. We have to keep an eye on her around all fish tanks because she would love to reach right in.
Currently, she is into calling me by my first name. She thinks it's really funny. She also calls her siblings by their full names to get their attention. Her sounding alarm to injustice is screaming, although she won't wait long to be rescued she will take matters into her own hands. She has a lot of "think about it" moments as discipline for hitting. She always has a good reason. She hates to be told what to do, by anyone. She currently is infatuated by my girlfriends large tummy. She likes to feel the baby move and talk to him. She tells me that she has a baby in her tummy to, and I just have to wait for it to come out.
She thinks she is just as old as all the "big" kids. She cries each morning when I drop them off at school. She likes to try and do everything they can. A current game in our car is the "punch bug game" where you yell our "punch bug" when you see a Volkswagen Beetle car. She has no idea what this is but will randomly in the car yell out "punch bug" , " I see a red one." She plays this game well with me because I just tell her, oh you got me. Of course her siblings feel the need to argue with her, which usually results in a fight.
All things considered she seems to have adjusted well. She still ask for her foster brother, and foster parents on a regular basis. She is happy to go visit and loves seeing them.
She potty trained really easy and as long as I reminder her she stays dry.
Her health has improved greatly. After a dramatic hospital stay in March she has been healthy since. Her doctor is letting us take the summer off of all the breathing treatments and steroids to see how she reacts. So far so good! We are praying she is able to make it through cold and flu season just as good! Which means I might be a little OCD with the hand sanitizer.
She loves to eat and is willing to try most things.... given it comes from someone else's plate. She has a quick gag reflex and will actually throw up. Therefore, we have learned that we don't force her to taste anything. Recently, she had a slight fever and every time she tried to swallow tylenol or motrin she would gag and throw up. This girl is very dramatic!
She has her mind made up about most things and there is no changing it. She fits in perfectly!

All three shots were taken in a row. This girl loves to pose and have her picture taken. No bribing or editing needed!

This week- PERSPECTIVE.......

2011-08-28T01:27:00.004-02:00

I have had very few close friends in life. It takes me a while to let other in, you have to be really trust worthy. I have lost some very dear people to me in the last year and these two sweet friends remain. They are like sisters to me. They are there for me. We share our lives together. We help take care of each others kids. We encourage each other and we even have been know to have some knock down drag out fights.

Jaime, Cassie and Jessica (me)

This week was going to be tough. All the changes we are going through with school and therapy and very busy schedules. But I was ready! I have been making list for weeks. Cooking meals to freeze. Stocking up on lunch supplies and snacks. Labeling the kids drawers to help stay organized. Making timelines for our evening to make our bedtime routine run smooth.
Come Monday we had a wonderful organized day. We were all set to have an amazing Tuesday.
My sweet friend Jaime and I were lucky enough to get our oldest girls in to the same great school. This was going to be a big help with me for car pool with Josh and Abbie at different schools and shuffling the little kids to each of their therapy appointments.
So Tuesday Morning Jaime swings by to get Abbie for school, I kiss her and send her on her way. I head to drop Josh off and Josie and I come home to do what ever task was on my agenda for the day. At lunch time I head to get Josh. I feed he and Josie a quick lunch and lay them down to try and get a quick nap in before their afternoon therapy appointment. Everything is going according to the scheduled plans.
In the mean time, I get a text from my friend Jaime asking me to pick up her daughter from school because she doesn't think she is going to make it out of her appointment on time.
I was a little overwhelmed thinking I was going to have to shorten the kids naps and they were already asleep. But of course I say no problem because that's what friends are for. I have an organized scheduled and I can adjust it a little for these little situations arise unplanned. I loaded the car, got some extra snacks for the kid, some activities for each of them to do during the car ride and therapy appointments. I just finished loading the car and adding a car seat for her daughter when I get another text from her saying, " I don't need you to pick her up, I am on my way, call you in a minute."
Because I love her like a sister, I am a little annoyed that I have just done all this extra work for nothing. I figured well the care is loaded I will just go take a quick shower before we leave for therapy. Some how I got side tracked for a few minutes and came to grab my phone to have it near me while I was in the shower. I was also annoyed that Jaime had not called me back yet to let me know how her appointment went. She is getting close to the end of her pregnancy and I am itching to snuggle her new little guy! Not very often we get a newborn around here!

At this point, I realized I had a message from some unknown out of area number. I go ahead and listen to it. Not usual for me to even check my messages for days. I realize that it's some hysterical woman crying telling me to call her back, but I can't figure out who it is. I ignore it thinking it's some crazy relative of mine or a prank. Then I tried to call Jaime to see how her appointment was,she didn't answer. Something told me to listen to the weird voice mail again. After the 3rd time of listening I finally understand and hear the crying lady screaming she's 37 week. My heart sank and I knew it was Jaime and something was wrong. I grabbed my keys and ran up the stairs to grab my sleeping kids out of their beds.
I kept trying to call Jaime and the unknown number. I started my car and all I knew to do was head to the preschool to pick up her daughter. I was panicked and hoping I was over reacting and she would meet me at the school and we would have a great laugh about how dramatic I was being. I continued to call the unknown number and Jaime over and over.
Finally, the unknown number called me back. I said I had received a call from that number, was there something wrong? He something to effect of yeah, it was that pregnant lady....and he pauses. I scream into the phone, Yes...is she ok? His response is yes, that lady is lucky to be alive. My heart sank.
At this point I figure I better call her husband to see if he has heard from her because he has been working out of town. We are close enough to each other that I knew she wasn't calling my to come help her,she wanted to make sure her daughter didn't get left at school. When I got a hold of him neither of us could really have a conversation...we knew nothing, so we just told each other what our plan of actions was. I didn't clue him in on the fact that the guy on the phone had told me she was lucky to be alive. He had a two hour drive to try to get home. At this point I realize I am downtown near her daughter's preschool and can't remember where I am supposed to go. I am literally panicked with fear and my brain is not working. So I decided to calmly try to call our friend Cassie to see if she can tell me where to go. I try to calmly let her Jaime was in an accident, I am needing to pick up her daughter and can't figure out where to go. Somewhere in this conversation that was only a few seconds I lost it, something about your best friends knowing you to well to try and pretend things are ok. All the while I keep hoping that in the end I am just gonna look stupid for being a cry baby, scardy cat because Jaime was in a little fender bender.
As I pull into the preschool Cassie calls me back to let me know she has just found out that the accident was more serious and Jaime was being airlifted to the hospital. I have seen enough hospital trama shows to know that they don't just shut down a highway and airlift someone if they are not seriously hurt. I am worried about her and worried about the baby.
I had to go inside and explain to the teachers why I was the one picking her daughter. Here I am...not showered,my kids have no shoes on and I look like a basket case. As I try to explain I loose it in the office crying on front of this preschool staff who have no idea who I am. Turns out Jaime had just filled out the emergency pick up list the day before. I tried to pull it together not wanting the kids to clue in on what was going on. I wanted to race to the hospital but I knew our bigger girls had to be picked up from school in the next hour too. So I took all the kids with me to the therapy appointment. I got to the therapy office with all the little ones and couldn't remember the floor where the office is. Thankfully someone figured out where I needed to go and just pressed the elevator button. The adrenaline I had was leaving me and fear was settling in. We did our therapy appointments and pretended nothing was wrong, while I silently prayed for Jaime and the protection of the baby.
I don't really remember much of the driving that day, I must have been on auto pilot. Once I picked up the girls my husband met me at home to watch all 5 kids by himself so that I could head to the hospital. I had just gotten the report that so far she and the baby seem to be fine.
When I got to the hospital she didn't have a scratch on her. A man had hit her van so hard on the turnpike that she spun and flipped and slammed into the siderail. She amazingly crawled out of a small broken window in the back of the van. We waited all that night as they tried to stop the contraction so that the baby could have a few more weeks to grow and she would have a little time to heal before he comes.
She is now at home and on bed rest. She is in pain and having a hard time.
Every time I look at her I am just so thankful that she is still here.

So our first week of school was a little hectic. We had a some extra kids at times, we were late a few times,none of the laundry was done, we missed a night of homework, and there were lots of tears. None of those mishaps were on the schedule or on any list. But in the end our entire family and friends sat around the table for dinner tonight. We were all here, celebrating. It could have been worse and more tragic but it wasn't.
I knew it was going to be hard....not this hard.....but it could have been worse.

Instead of making a list to plan out next week better, I am just heading into it with a huge grateful heart!

First Day of School- the Results!

2011-08-23T12:24:00.002-02:00

Josh came running to me at the end of the day. He was excited to tell me all the things he got to do. My sensitive boy started to tear up as he began to tell me that he cried for me when I left. I quickly changed the subject and began drilling him about his day.

Apparently he got to eat there, which he was really excited about. Then they played on the play ground and he got to play basket ball. He said his teacher is really really nice.

He gave me a thumbs up as to go back tomorrow.

I asked for one more picture to make up for the one in the morning...he gave in and gave me another thumbs up.

I then let he and Josie have their "school lunch" in the living room.

A few hours later we headed to get Abbie. The car line was an interesting crazy experience. A LOT of waiting. Abbie was not really paying attention to her name being called. This whole experience was new for her. Once she saw us she came running. Full of many stories about her new adventure.

Then we headed to get our annual first day of School Sunday's! Our Friends joined us to celebrate.

Josh gave me another Thumbs up to a good day!

Josh was happy to see his friend Allison who he went to school with last year. He had missed her and wanted to go pick her up as soon as I had picked him up from his new school.

All in all everyone had a great day. The proof was everyone rushing to get ready fast and hopping out of the car this morning with so much excitement!

First Day of School!

2011-08-22T21:31:00.002-02:00

This year we have 2nd grader, a preschooler and a pre-preschooler.

Abbie was so excited she was fully dressed and ready by 6:45 this morning. A whole hour before we have to leave. I hope her excitement stays.

Josh who has been so excited for days suddenly changed his mind this morning. This is seriously all I was getting out of him. His back pack was too heavy, his stomach hurt and he kept asking to be carried. I was trying to cheer him up telling him he was getting to go to a big kid school! Then he said, "but Mom, I want to be little." And that's when I started crying....

This girl was so excited of her new back pack and totally ready to go.... she was very disappointed when the car was empty and she was left to go home alone with me.

Take one....

Take two...

Take 3... Josie asking Josh why are you crying? You not say Cheese. I gave up and just put them in the car. I was having a hard time keeping it together myself.

She's totally ready to go...

Saying Good-Bye to Dad..

We'll I guess if she does not need us anymore, I guess it's good she is not embarrassed of us yet.

And off she went and the tears started to flow...mine not hers.

I was pretty impressed that she remembered all the way there. Past the office, Past the cafeteria, Past the media Center...Past the Kindergartner's, Past first Grade and then almost to the end the 2nd Grade classes. She led us the entire way as if she has done this her whole life.

Of course I wasn't to far behind wanting to document the whole thing. Also not wanting to actually leave...I would have stayed the whole day if they would have let me.

One last kiss as I hold back the tears. Can't believe she is almost 7 years old!

She waves good-bye with such confidence...and I don't look back so that she can't see the tears streaming down my face.

And then this little peanut was waiting there to cheer me up. She wanted to know where her class was, I told her no where for a long time!

Showing off her bedazzled bag, Perfect for a little girl named Josie Jewel!

There are no pictures of the drop off with Josh it wasn't a pretty sight. Nothing he would want documented to remember the trauma and neither do I.

More on how the day went tomorrow...headed to do home work, baths, bed time and pack lunches... and do it all again tomorrow!

Meet the Teacher!!!!!

2011-08-19T02:33:00.003-02:00

As I mentioned before.....there are a few changes going on in our house. You know those things you say you'll never do and then you do them...yeah that's us these days. We are being stretched beyond what we think we're capable of and continuing to learn to let go. We've made the decision to send the kids to PPPPPPUblic School. Yes, of all the things I said I would never do I am . Every option we researched and prayed about kept leading us back to this. Answers became clear when Abbie was chosen to attend a really great local magnet school. Another difficult choice was,what to do with Josh. He loved school but wasn't really getting his sensory and speech needs met where he was last year. Little did we know how many programs there are out there for him and after a few assessments we've found a great place for him. Abbie will be in school 5 days a week for a full day and Josh will be in school just in the morning's five days a week. Man I am going to miss them. But it sure was fun to see there excitement tonight.

Here is Josh showing off his new class room! I love his cheesy smile!

He quickly began checking out the new surroundings.

He was pretty excited to get his new school spirit shirt and was very disappointed to discover he couldn't wear it until next week.

Then we headed to Abbie's new school. This is the first time I will be leaving her. I keep just picturing her walking away to her class room and every time I tear up! I have always taught at the school she has attended,so this is a big step for me!

Here she is with her friend Annalise, both are stepping out in this new adventure together. No longer will their Mom's be there teachers. I hope they look this brave come Monday!

Gotta love the outfit Abbie picked out to wear. She is so crazy! One of the teachers at the school told her that when he was younger there was a famous lady who used to wear gloves like hers. She thought that was pretty cool!

Here she is setting at her new desk, her sweet teacher had it all ready for her.

The silly look is because Dad made her go ahead and begin cracking the books!

We are still going to be busy this year. It's a new adventure and we are going to embrace it!

List overload-more changes ahead.

2011-08-09T12:13:00.006-02:00

We are crazy stressed about some major changes ahead. So what is a crazy lady to do in order to try to bring structure to an out of control life..... make list and pretend we have structure. The kids start school in less than two weeks. I'm trying not to think about it to much or I will cry. I am excited for them and their new adventures but I am really going to miss them.
We will have two different school schedules, two kids with therapy schedules and a 6 year old with a Gymnastics and Girl scout schedule. Throw in Dr's appointments, two year old tantrums and we have shook up this game of life that I am hoping to not loose all the pieces to. So I have made numerous list to make myself feel better about it all. It helps me have a goal of a somewhat organized day. It lets the kids know what is expected of them and that in all the chaos Mom still has a plan for dinner. My main concern is I haven't been able to figure out how to pencil in sick days.

Here are the kids checking out their morning "To Do" list.
" 6:45am wake up, 7:00am Get Dressed, 7:15am Eat Breakfast"

Here is Josh, Pretty excited to find out that I put breakfast on the list. If you are an adoptive parent a great resource for parenting is Karyn Purvis. Kids with difficult back ground need to know what is expected of them and that they will be taken care of. It's not just common knowledge with them, they know what its like to go with out. I don't know a lot of Josh's background but he does ask me each night if we will eat breakfast in the morning. Hopefully as the list brings me order, it will bring him assurance that we will always take care of him.

Here are our daily schedules. Yes, we need all five days..because their are different things going on at all different times each day. I have my calendar on my phone, but this list will help my husband know what our schedules are in case he has to jump in and take over for me. It will also help Abbie stop asking what we are doing each day.
At the bottom of all the schedules is our evening list. These are basic " clean up after dinner, help Mom pack lunch, bath, brush teeth..etc." These are made on Velcro and sent along with Josh as he complete it. ( the girls seem to remember the plan each day) He is having a hard time following through. It also helps with his learning and speech issues for him to have a visual picture along with my words.

These are the kids chore list. They have been using these all summer and they have worked great! I made a few adjustments for the new school year. But basically there is a Morning List, an Afternoon List and an earn section. They complete the morning section after breakfast and the afternoon one while I prepare dinner. Josh's are made on Velcro so that he can take the item with him as he complete it. We have him place it in his pocket and head to work, when we notice him wondering around it helps to have him check his pocket to see what he is supposed to be doing.

Among the other list, here is one for me. I was having trouble figuring out how to keep up with weekly menu planning when these new crazy schedules started. Thanks to a great idea from another blog I read, I made a 5 week rotation schedule of meals. This will help me not have to think, mostly because I am not sure by dinner time that I will have any brain cells left to think. I love the idea that we won't get bored because your only eating that meal once in 5 weeks. It helps me only go to the store once a week, I usually forget something. Now I can make my shopping list a head of time instead of only counting on the food we have in the house. It also helps me bargain shop. Instead of making a meal plan on the sales, I can just be on the look out for great prices since I already know in advance what we are eating.

Now you all know what I have been doing. Hopefully this will help keep some of the craziness under control. If we get off track we know where to pick back up. How are you planning for the new school year?

Keeping busy this Summer!

2011-08-05T09:26:00.002-02:00

Enjoying the summer and keeping busy! Spending these last few weeks with my kiddos before they begin school. So excited for them....so sad for myself. More updates soon!

The Other Mother

2011-07-21T01:04:00.004-02:00

I don't think about her often. Usually on birthdays, Mother's day and Holidays I think about her. I love her. I am grateful for this gift I have, that if it were not for her, I would not have him. I don't think about her often,most days he's just mine. Today, I thought a lot about her. Today, I was angry. Today, I was sad.

Today I sat in front of a panel of women, therapist that were working really hard to get Josh the help he needs. He is still having trouble with is speech and some mild learning delays. I think all parents want to know why their child has their issues. One look at Josh's medical history and the therapist don't look much farther for a cause. The cause is really not as important to them as to what the next step is to help him. Once they finished their diagnosis they opened the meeting up for questions. I only had one. Is he always going to struggle with these issues, or is this something he can overcome with therapy? The the worst answer possible came...the "we don't know." Then I just started to cry and made a fool out of myself right there in the office.

I guess I would just prefer a yes or a no. With a yes, I know okay this is going to be hard for him for a time. But with work and patience we can all fight this. With a No, we can accept that the future will be hard for him. We can make a plan of living it out the best possible way. I don't want him to struggle. I don't want him to feel like he is always facing a mountain. I want him to enjoy school and it not be this hard thing that he is going to have to do for the next 15 years. I want him to not be made fun of from his peers. I want him to be able to join other kids in play and feel confident in himself. I want him to be able to communicate with his friends and them understand him. I want him not to quit before he even starts because he so warn down by all the challenges.

Therefore, today I thought a lot about the other mother. I wonder if she could see the effect of some of her choices if she would still make them? I wonder, was it worth it? Would she have changed her choices had she known the consequences for her son? Has she changed?

Because of her choices he is going to have to work hard. Because of her choices I am going to have to work hard to help build his self-esteem so he's strong enough for this battle. Because of her choices, good and bad he's mine. I get to have him, love and be his mom. Tonight as I kissed him he said, "Goodnight Mom, I love you. Have a nice Day".
And because of him, I did have a nice day.

A mini Vaca and a celebration!

2011-07-19T00:56:00.005-02:00

Instead of throwing an adoption party this time around we decided to spend the money on a fun family getaway. We took the kids to a sweet hotel on the beach that had a really fun pool! We had a fun time celebrating as a family, a family of FIVE!

Dad joined in the fun!

After a few tries Josie fell in love with the slides.

Josh has learned to swim this summer, so he celebrated his new freedom in the water!

She's fitting right in!These kiddo's sure are getting a lot of use out of those swim suits this year!

How to love on an adoptive family.

2011-06-17T16:03:00.007-02:00

Being an adoptive family sets us apart from others. We didn't choose to grow our family in the traditional way. So I have to bring myself to an understanding that most people may not know how to care for us or celebrate with us.

When a child is added biologically as a baby, it would be common for friends or family to throw a baby shower, bring meals, help with nursery preparations and watch older children as the family adjust to the new little one.

In our church its a special tradition for the Father of the new baby to introduce the child on their very first Sunday in church. Showers are planned at some point and usually meals are arranged for the family.

As we prepared to adopt we knew that this was "different". We took classes, read books and asked others who had walked this road before us. We tried to prepare family and friends of our new knowledge on attachment issues, grief issues and our hopeful plan of action to welcome our new child.

What I don't think we have done well is share are needs. We think of adoption as the same as adding a child to the family through biological means, it just "looks" different. We thought others would see that it "looked" different but treat it the same.

I found these great articles that try to address some of these issues. Feel free to check them out here and here.

Adoption may look different but it feels the same to adoptive families.
For future reference what ever you would do for a family welcoming a new baby by birth, an adoptive family would appreciate as well.

Here are a few idea's I found:

Meals. Find a team of people to take meals

the first few weeks the child is in the home.
For us those first few months were difficult with the visitation schedule and random social worker appointments. Cleaning. Housework can take away a good deal of the family’s bonding time. Identify a time when the family will be out of the house and offer to vacuum, clean bathrooms,
or wash linens and remake beds.
When your living with the idea that a social worker and a judge get to decide if you can keep the child you love, this would take off a heap of pressure.

Gifts for the Homecoming Celebration. We think of baby showers for families expanding by birth, but gifts are also appropriate when a family expands through adoption. Gifts are a fun way to involve the church community and celebrate God’s gift of adoption.
Often whats more important than the gift it the show of excitement that is seen through the preparation of a welcoming party.

Errands and Shopping. Don’t say, “Let me know if you need anything,” because you’ll likely never be asked. Instead, tell them you’re going to the store that week and ask if they have time to give you a list.
We were surprised at how difficult just running to the store could be when both of our kids came home. Its a sensory over load for a child adjusting to an entire new living arrangement.
Laundry. Pick up the laundry, take it home or to a laundromat, and return it folded.
As odd as it seems, some times its the smallest things at make the largest impact.

Blessings

2011-06-02T01:47:00.002-02:00

I use music as I process and work through life. My sister-in-law sent me this song this afternoon. She does the same thing. If I were remotely talented, I could have written ever word of this song. I have it on repeat tonight trying to let the words sink in my heart.

Here are some of my favorite lines:

"We pray for healing, for prosperity,

we pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things"

"we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe"

"When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home"

"what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story- Blessings

Taking a break...at the beach!

2011-05-31T14:57:00.006-02:00

This past weekend my husband decided on a spur of a moment we needed to spend sometime at the beach. Unlike me... he likes spur of the moment plans. We've been under a decent amount of stress with health issues and a few changes ahead. So he decided a break was needed.

My kids and all their swagger....

Mini me.
Josh and Grandpa getting some fishing in.

Josie playing with the baby crabs that Josh and Grandpa caught.

Abbie and Her dad braved the waves!

Miss Sassy!

Josh seemed to overcome his fear of the sand and ocean this weekend, which made for a more fun trip for him.

Abbie never minds getting dirty!

Again, my husband was right. A little sun and free time did ease some worries and give us fun family time!

School Days-New Beginnings!

2011-05-27T11:45:00.006-02:00

This week marked the end of our school year! Since I am so bad at blogging here is Abbie and Josh as we left for the first day of school. Abbie's first day of 1st grade and Josh's first day of preschool.

Abbie and Anna celebrating their first day of school with Ice Cream Sundaes!

We have been busy with class parties and festivities. Here is Josh and his teacher. He loved her so much. Each day he would come home and tell us "Titi" ( Tiffany) was his friend.

Josh and our friend Allison had fun attending the same school this year. Here they are at their last day of school!

Josh carrying his "pack pack"

And here is Abbie on her last day of school. This year her classes traveled around the world,on the very last day they pretended to come to America through Ellis Island. Abbie enjoyed dressing up and playing with her friends.

Our kiddo's and us have been through many changes this year. Yesterday marked another end of an era and a began new changes ahead. We have decided to send Abbie to a "real" school next year. She will be in a 5 day a week science magnet program. We went to visit last week and she really loved it. I am going to miss her but I am excited for her new adventure.

Our schedules are still busy with laundry, therapy and pool time.
We are enjoying our new busy season if SUMMER!

Stepping out of my comfort zone.

2011-05-20T01:21:00.006-02:00

As I said previously, I am struggling. When I struggle I write, there is not much else to do.

I've isolated myself from people the past few months. Truth is people are dangerous and they hurt you. Another truth is you need people. Sometimes the few people you allow in your life are just not enough and by no fault of there own. My girlfriends are not all I need, my husband is not all I need. And to be honest if I am real, Jesus is not all I need. I believe He leaves voids in my life to force me to reach out to others.

I heard a pastor say this week that "the burden of community is what weights you down in order to survive as you wade through this thing called life." I think I am offered a choice. I can chose to not be hurt again and drift through life with out any weights to hold me down. I am afraid though with that simply choice, I may just end up being washed away in the tough currents of my life.

This morning after tons of tears and what feels like despair I posed a question of how do I gather healthy burdens. At this stage on my life what exactly do I need and what am I willing to be burdened with. As I wrote before I am struggling with the differences in adoption. No matter how much you share with people the loss and hurt of it all, no one is going to "get" it unless they have been in your shoes.

This evening I went to an adoption support group. I've been to this group before and always felt out of place. Tonight, I stepped out of my comfort zone. From the second I stepped out of my car I knew I was in the right place. A place where I belonged and where I was understood. These people and I have one thing in common- we are adoptive parents. That is where our similarities ends.

I didn't share I just listened. I heard the same fears I have. None were excused. No one tried to help fix each others problems. People were just sharing their hearts. We just listened to the burdens of each other, gathered some weight off one another's shoulders and headed out the door to continue wading through the sometimes calm and sometimes difficult rip currents of life.

Adoption ... is....different.

2011-05-17T15:48:00.002-02:00

I am facing a fact that I have always tried to prove wrong. I have always tried to convince myself that Adoption is the same as having a baby. It is similar but yet totally different. Recently our adoption with Josie became final. We had been doing visits for months waiting on an appeal for her termination of parental rights. Then she was placed with us for the 90 day waiting period before a judge can legally name us as parents. A day after our court hearing my husband called really upset. He kept saying he feels different, but it's like the world has not notice the change that's happened.

I remember struggling with this with Josh. How anticlimactic the event turns out to be. For months you fill out paper work, wait,meet with social workers,wait, fill out more paper work and wait. All the while your heart it changing, growing to love someone. Your trying to balance a new kid. Making adjustments in your marriage. Making sure your child is attaching and doing all under the watchful eye of a social worker. In the end, a judge decides if your allowed to keep this person you've adjusted your entire life for. Based on the answers you have given on the mounds of paper work and you've provided for 90 days you can care for them. It's his decision as to if you get to keep the child. In the end there are no flowers or balloons. No visitors to the hospital to meet your new bundle of joy or meals arranged for the new family. It's a scratch with a black ink that changes your lives forever.

Sometimes it feels as if on the outside it looks like we are babysitters and the child has decided to stay. Even in the grocery store there is no old woman stopping to marvel at the tiny baby, instead there are stares as to why your two year old is screaming. But there is no flashing light that lets everyone know you've only had her a week.

I had my own preconceived idea's of what adoption looked like. I admit that I thought it would be a blessing to skip the newborn stage of waking up in the night. Little did I know that due to the adjustment and attachment issues that adopted kids go through they don't sleep through the night either. There is mourning for their old life. They have been handed to someone new and expected to blend right in to a new family.

One of the things that is similar it the postpartum issues that come up. That's where I am this week. Struggling. I remember crying a lot after Abbie was born. Everything was new and unknown and a whole lot harder, but totally worth it. And that is the same.

It's Official-Josie's Adopted

2011-05-05T16:14:00.003-02:00

Last week we finally went before the judge to finalize Josie's adoption. Not with out a little drama, but in the end she was ours. After months of waiting on appeals to be completed and paper work to be sorted out we are the proud new parents of one gorgeous girl!
We were blessed to have amazing friends that are like family rearrange their schedules to join us for our special day.

Here is the judge as he congratulates Abbie!

Josie thanking the Judge.

I love the look on her face in this one as she just smiles up at him as if she knows what he just did for her!

Our crazy new crew!

First Beach Trip!

2011-04-04T20:53:00.007-02:00

Well, Josie's first beach trip and the first one of the season for the rest of us! After a crazy week with sick kids and a way to long hospital stay we tried to cram a little fun into our spring break!

Going to the beach with kids is a ton of work, I'm gonna be honest! The sunscreen, toys, extra clothes, bathroom trips, caring 4 towels, lunch, beach chairs,sand toys etc.. it's a huge work out!

Josh is still pretty sensitive to the sounds of the beach and the feeling of the sand. ( I'm still working to be patient!) But he pushes himself to enjoy it.

It was worth going just to get this shot!

Got to love Josie's little belly in this one!

We had fun in the end, and the look on this ones face as she discovered the world around her is totally worth it!

Gotcha weekend !!!!!

2011-02-08T01:26:00.009-02:00

On Friday we headed to the Foster Parents House to pick up Josie! You can see the kids running to the door, everyone was pretty excited.

The sweet Foster Momma got balloons and a huge cookie cake for all of us!

Another family photo to mark our special day.
(I've given up on having a great picture of all the kids at the same time)

The next night we disobeyed all attachment advice and took Josie to the over stimulating T-Rex cafe to celebrate some more. Abbie and Josh have been wanting to go. We figured this was a special enough occasion to pay for over priced food to get a pretty cool atmosphere.

We had a lot of fun, however we have decided that we will not be taking our kids out to eat for quite a while. One of the main reasons is really because we are our numbered now. Another is because we paid over $10 per child for them to eat nothing but sprite.

I fully admit that I am a control freak. I make plans. I imagine dressing my kids up really cute, getting fabulous pictures, them being tremendously grateful and living happily ever after. I know that life doesn't ever happen this way. Therefore, I decided as we left I would not fret about the rain or my husbands (crazy) plan to stay up until 9 to watch fire works. I didn't even remind him that we have a two and a three year old now.

As we walked into the restaurant both of my little kids were terrified and clinging to us. We put a smile on our face and headed in. I will say that my plan of going to dinner at 4:45pm was amazing and we had no wait time!

There we are each holding kids on the verge of tears. We neglected to ask for boosters or high chairs and were thrilled with the gift of a round booth. I figured we can pretend were on vacation, I can be one of those parents. Just as my kids were really starting to like the place and run from each end of the booth the waiter shows up with 2 boosters. Nathaniel and I were so overwhelmed with the um new 3 kid thing, the loud noise and the waiter continuing to ask us if we decided we just started spouting off our order. We were in disaster prevention mode and there was no time for a budget planning meeting.

As we waited for our food, some one has to pee. Someone falls out of there booster (several times). Someone knocks all the silverware on the floor. A few drinks were spilled.
Our food arrives and Abbie is so hungry (at our early bird dinner) she pops one of her very expensive popcorn shrimp in her mouth, it happens to be way to hot which means she can't eat anything the rest of the night.
Nathaniel and I inhale our food and try to dodge the next bullet and get out of there. We have this wonderful plan of walking around down town Disney now that the rain has finally stopped. You know because we need something to do until the fire works.

We exited the restaurant pretty proud of ourselves that we survived and still wanted to spend the rest of the evening with our kids. We were not so pleased to find that one of those parents must have moved our double stroller into the pouring rain. Who does that? Our new option was to let our kids walk around at their 1 mile and hour pace or we each carry a 30lbs toddler. We opted for the 1 mile an hour pace and pissed off quite a few tourist. I didn't really care, I just got a new daughter and she wanted to push the stroller all by herself! And if she ran over your toe maybe you should have not moved her stroller into the rain!
Walking didn't last long,we found a great DJ playing some dance music and doing games. We let the kids run around dancing while Nathaniel and I cuddled up on a park bench and admired our new life. I also discovered that I have gain new mom skills and impressed my husband with my Macgyver Mom idea and dried an entire bench with a size 5 diaper!

We had a blast, living our ever so normal life. We headed home around 7:30 really thankful for our 3 blessings and that we never mentioned the fire works idea to the kids.

This is how Josh spent most of dinner, blowing bubbles in his drink!

The Girls dancing the night a way...

Josh getting his groove on, unfortunately he has learned his moves from his Father. I think he is adorable, but praying he improves before others start to make fun of him.

(Photo taken by Abbie)

Adjusting to our new normal!

This is how lucky I am.

2011-02-04T14:24:00.002-02:00

I took Josie back to her foster home for the last time. I was overwhelmed with excitement as I drove away from the house knowing the next time I left there she would be mine. We really do love her Foster Parents, who are amazing people, and we will be back to visit. However,knowing she is mine is going to be awesome!

We still have to wait the 90 days for finalization but we are still gonna party all weekend in celebration!

I was putting the finishing touches on the girls room this afternoon. I realized this morning that this would be my last day with just 2 kids and I better get my butt in gear. As I finished I just sat in the the room thinking. I am in awe that we get to have Josie as part of our family. I know she is going to change us. She already makes us laugh more, sing more and shop more. Girls are really fun to dress! Seriously, so looking forward to watching her grow up. Thanking God that we were picked to be her parents.... We are the lucky ones!

Some good changes!

2011-02-02T11:48:00.002-02:00

After months of visits and waiting for the courts to move on Josie's case she is finally going to be placed permanently with us on Friday!

We are over joyed and not sleeping much due to the excitement. I arrived for court on Monday morning. We were over an hour late going before the judge. All it took was that hour for deep rooted fear to set in. All the social workers were so excited, yet I knew that they actually never know the entire case. We continue to find out new things and changes that no one was aware of. As frustrating as it is, I know that all information I get goes through 10 people first. Throw a couple social worker change overs in and you've got a mess of information that is our lives on a daily basis.

When I finally went before the judge everyone presents their sides, the social worker says that the "adoptive Mother" is here and ready to take custody of Josie. The Judge looks at me and says, Whats wrong with you? You look like your about to cry? I actually have no recollection of what I said at that point. I think I must have told her we wanted Josie home with us. She asked if she would be my first child, I said no she would be the third. She said something like congratulations and started stating legal jumbo I have no idea about. The entire proceeding took about 10 minutes. We walked out the door and the Foster Mom and I just looked at each other, realizing this battle was over. It was pretty anticlimactic, I was really waiting for another shoe to drop. I got in my car and cried the entire way home.

The tears were pent up frustration. Sadness for Josie's journey to us. Sadness for her wait for a forever family. Then total joy, and relief that she will finally be home Forever!

Not much to say...to much on my heart.

2011-01-20T02:15:00.004-02:00

Christmas is over. The decorations are down. The house looks empty. A new year, same stuff.

We are back to work, and back to school. I usually love schedules, but not this time. I am looking for some good changes. As I've said before I hate change.

This past year a sweet women at our church passed away. She fought a long fight with cancer and is now in the arms of Jesus. I know she would rather be there, but each Sunday I would rather see her working our church nursery desk. Her wonderful dedicated husband stood outside out church each Sunday morning and greeted us with a cheerful wave. For years we had served along side them in ministry, taking advantage and thinking things would stay the same. She went to heaven and he moved to Tennessee to be with his daughter. Each Sunday morning I don't really look forward to seeing the "new guy". He has a nice wave, a kind smile, but he's not the same.

A few weeks ago our Pastor decided to resign. He has been my Pastor since I was 16. I came to our church not trusting Christians. From my personal experience Christians were just as cruel as the rest of the world. I wasn't totally sure that God was for me. However, I wasn't willing to take the chance and discover God and his judgment after I died.

For years I've watched my Pastor be a real person. He shared his life with us. He sacrificed for us. He taught me who God was and who a Christian is supposed to be. He saw a capability in ministry that I didn't know I had. He allowed me to fail and discover where I belonged in ministry. He taught me how to live out passion.

I am proud of him for following God's lead and heading out on a new adventure. I'm not really looking forward to the "new guy". Did I mention I hate change?

Christmas.

2011-01-03T20:06:00.004-02:00

Here are a few pictures I can share of our wonderful Christmas. Josie learned to say "cheese" and has the most beautiful smile. However, since she is not legally ours yet, I can't share pictures of her. Therefore, since most pictures included her and turned out fabulous I am just going to have to wait to share them. Hopefully soon, you will see what I am talking about. She is beautiful!

Neighbors that are like family...We spend a few nights a week with the above people. On Christmas day we were able to all try and get in one shot! There are only 4 missing. We all live within a mile of each other. It takes some getting used to, some give and take of personal preferences but we love it.

Here's Josie trying out her Bro's new scooter. She was pretty sure she could do it.

Abbie showing off her new skates. With in 2 days she was skating down the street by herself.

Christmas was all about toy story this year. Josh is totally into Buzz and Woody and everyone knew it!

We had a great Christmas, celebrating with our 3 most prized possessions.
We hope you did as well!

Two Years Together!

2010-12-21T13:39:00.006-02:00

Happy second Gotcha day Josh! You can check here for a brief bit of the story from last year.

It's hard to believe that he has been with us for the same amount of time we dreamed and waited for him. He has been such a blessing to our lives. There is something about having a son that changes a woman. I never would have said this before having him, but it's just different. He has changed and grown a lot. After a year of therapy he is finally talking. This just means we get to hear more of his opinions. Most of which I totally fall for and adjust life for. He's my little boy!

He spends most of his days fighting with his sisters and being picked on. He often is coming to me wining saying, "Mom, Abbie no nice." Screaming is his sounding alarm of injustice. In his defense there is a lot of it around here. Over the past month it's been really funny to see him changing from the baby to the middle child. He is actually starting to refuse to be my baby and tells me, to rock Josie not him. He has a few funny quirks about him. He refused to drink a drink without ice in it. Ice was one of the first really clear words he said this year. I think it was out of necessity. He has proved to be brilliant and potty was potty trained in 3 days, and rarely has an accident. As often as he is telling on his sister's he is becoming such a sweet young many. When any of us girls come out and we're dressed for the day he tells us, "you yook tute!" However, if we tell him he looks cute, he says, " I not toot, I tool!" I have to agree, he is pretty cool!

He is thriving in school. He love's his teacher. When ever we ask who is his friends he say, " My Titi." At first we thought it was his teacher, but he said over and over, " No, Titi." It was the teacher, but her name is Tiffany. On school days we ask him what he did, each day it's the same response, " I eat my pack pack fly." This means that he ate from his lunch bag, that has spider man on it. All super hero's are flies.

Often he is seen running with run arm in the air, regularly he is flying from one couch to another. The noises are insane. There is a sound effect for everything in life. This it the one huge difference between boys and girls that I have noticed!

Recently he has learned how to dress himself, however he often just puts clothes on from the hamper. He is a really good rule follower. ( my kinda kid ) After each meal he rarely forgets to take his plate to the sink. We never find clothes on his floor he always puts them in the hamper.

He has gone through quite a bit of change this last year. He struggled through some anger the first year, we would often find him hitting walls when he was angry. He has always preferred me, but lately he would rather be by Nathaniel's side working on something or wrestling with him. He is still pretty pitiful when he is upset and he knows I will cuddle him and let him get away with things so he usually comes to me when theirs an issue of injustice.

Recently I tried to remember what life was like before he came home. It's really hard to remember. He has added so much fun and sweetness to our lives. His facial expressions make me laugh on an hourly bases. His twinkle in his eyes melts my heart. His, " I yuv you Mom." could get him just about anything he wants. I look forward to the future with him and love watching him learn and grow. I can't imagine my life with out him.

Special Ornaments.

2010-12-20T18:52:00.000-02:00

After the move this year I lost some of my special ornaments. After an hour of tears and making a mess of our storage closet this is what is left. I found a few of them and we have added a few new ones this year. I love beautiful ornaments, but my favorite ornaments are the special ones. I love adding them to the year and sharing with the kids what each one is and what it represents.

This first one is a new one. It says, "Our first Home 2010". This ornament is special not only because we were able to buy a house this year, but it holds a special meaning because of the journey to our first home. We tried to buy a house before Abbie was born. We had been married for almost 2 years and had been saving for our down payment. At the time it was at the very beginning of the housing boom. Every time we put an offer in on a house we would be outbid. We were on a time crunch since Abbie was about to arrive. Finally we through out that plan. Fast forward about a year and we realize God's provision. As the housing prices start to fall...so does Nathaniel's company. Five years later and 2 lay offs behind us and we are finally able to purchase our first home.

This next one is engraved with my Brother's name. It says, "Merry Christmas from Heaven". My brother passed away 3 months before Abbie was born. We didn't get to grow up together, I always hoped that one day we would be close as adults. He made different choices in his life. He was always a dreamer. As I hang his ornament on the tree we think of him and dream of all the things he could have done in life.

This ornament is one of the little bells that were at our wedding. We had hundreds of them scattered on tables. Every time one was rang Nathaniel and I would have to kiss. When we were married Nathaniel was working part-time and going to school. We didn't have a lot of money our first Christmas. The only ornaments we had were a few bows and about 50 of these bells left over from the wedding, hanging on our tree.

This is Abbie's first ornament. It was gift from her Nana. Abbie's first Christmas we only had a small little tree. We were still trying to figure out what were going to do about a house and were quite overwhelmed with the decisions ahead.

Below is Josh's special ornament. My girlfriend picked it up for him a few weeks ago. Yes, it took me two years to get one. At first I thought I would look at Ebay for a 2007' ornament. Then I realized that was never going to happen. His first Christmas with us was a crazy time. Shuffling visits, Social workers and doctor appointments. But he was a long awaited gift I was so thankful for. That Christmas felt like a dream. I just kept looking at him and thinking, " I can't believe your here!"

This last one is new this year too. It's Josie's special ornament. It totally stands out on the all silver or glass ornament tree. But it adds character and spunk, just like her.

No title needed.

2010-12-19T18:36:00.005-02:00

Josie 2010

Joshua 2008

Abbie 2005

As I look at the pictures from over the years I've learned a few things. For one we need to stop wearing black in all our family photo's. It's a good thing we live in Florida because I hate pictures done inside a studio, and we never take pictures inside. Therefore, a colder climate could really change our greeting cards. Actually, lets be honest I never remember to send out greeting cards. If our extended family had to rely on snail mail for photo update they wouldn't know some of our kids even existed. Thanks to facebook, snapfish and blogger, I can now easily document our family as we change and grow.

Changes....and the most Wonderful time of the year!

2010-12-17T12:54:00.001-02:00

This is how we spend most evenings now. We have Josie about 50% of the time. Just enough under the 50% mark to not have to change the courts placement order.

This Christmas is different. I keep trying to get into the "Christmas Spirit". No matter how much music I play or peppermint mocha lattes I drink it's just not happening. I'm processing a lot of loss right now. The loss of friendships, the death of family and the loss if Josie's past. It always shocks me the more I fall in love with a child the harder it is to cope with their history. It's no longer a sad story on paper, it's my babies story.

Due to all the changes, I am learning to let a lot of things go. I think this must be a natural thing as you add children. Things that never should have been important are now being tossed aside. Our tree is not as beautiful as I had hoped. I let the kids help me with the tree and most of the ornaments are 2ft up and dead center in the front of the tree. I also let the kids pick out the tackiest wrapping paper instead of finding a beautiful role that coordinated with the ornaments on the tree. There are no fancy bows this year, I'm using the ones with the tape already stuck to the back. Our mantle is half decorated and I bought the cinnamon roles for Christmas morning in a can.

I'm no Martha Stewart this year, but I don't think my kids have noticed. I have noticed that there is a new "baby's first Christmas" ornament on the tree, and a "Our first home" ornament. Aside from all the challenges of 2010, there are some amazing blessings that have been added. I've been around for long enough to know that 2011 could get worse and it could be better. The only way to know is to gather the things that really are valuable to me and truck on ahead through the journey. Regardless of the difficulties or challenges ahead, we will be together.

It's a Girl!

2010-12-11T18:19:00.004-02:00

In case you missed it, we are smack dab in the middle of an adoption again! We are so excited to announce that little Miss will be joining our family very soon. Just like two years ago with Josh we find ourselves rushing between visits, attachment, Christmas shopping and social worker visits.
It's not so bad this time. I know what to expect. I've given up on keeping the house clean and all the laundry folded. Life with a 6 year old, a 3 year old and now a 2 year old is not organized and pretty, but it sure is loud and fun!
We have been so amazed at how the process has been this time. We made the decision in May to call the social workers back in to inspect and ask us a million questions. This time it was Nate's idea. He had been praying about it and felt that we had plenty of room there was no need to make waiting kids wait for a forever family any longer. While I was excited that my husband was leading our family this way, I have to be honest I was scared to death. I partially agreed to beginning the process because it would give me a great excuse to make Nathaniel finish all the painting in our new house!
Our adoption process with Josh took almost two years. Therefore, I figured I had plenty of time to get used to the idea of more kids so soon. We have always wanted a big family. I want a big family. I love the idea of 5 kids filling every seat in my van. Stockings covering every inch of our mantle. I love being able to share my amazing family with little children who have never known what a family could be. However, I am practical. I have to be realistic and say I hate the laundry, the dishes and matching that many pairs of socks!
Little did I know that God was about to rock my boat a little. On September 30th I got an email from our social worker. She had a little girl she thought would be perfect for us. I clicked on the attached picture and fell in love. I knew I was looking at my daughter. I couldn't wait to do her laundry.

Today Josie turned 2. We celebrated with a couple of friends and family. As I looked at her today and realized her journey to us I thought of the pain she has endured. The strength she has and all that she has taught me in the few months of knowing her. As I've read her life story I am overwhelmed at the job ahead of me. I am sure she is going to have a million questions. Today I was in awe that I have been chosen to be her Mom, that I get to answer those questions and match her socks!

Travel

2010-10-14T15:06:00.001-02:00

I've taken the kids cross country again. This time we were able to fly! A three day trip crammed into fours hours of 26 potty trips in a tiny airplane bathroom. I still think it was worth it.

We are hanging out in Colorado for our fall break. There have been lots of hiking trips and playing outside. Josh yells everytime we go outside "I see mountain, Mom!".
We went hiking up by Lake George, it was absolutly beautiful!

One of my favorite things in life is seeing the leaves change. Here there are these amazing aspen trees that turn into the beautiful shades of yellow.

We are having lots of fun with our sweet friends that moved here. However, I'm ready to be home! Not that we don't want to be with our friends, but we left Dad at home. My kids need their Dad just as much as I do. The evening prayers have not been the same. Plus, my brain has gone into nesting overload. I have a little secret about our family....that I can't wait to share! More news to come!

Jessica-
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The balancing act.

2010-07-16T11:16:00.002-02:00

Lately, I been trying to figure out how to balance it all. Work, kids, adoption, passion, foster care, bible study,marriage,friendships, a clean house. Add all those together and it equals me not being good at any of them. I have tried to compartmentalize my life. I try to organize time to spend on each thing. I decide the "OK" allotted time for each and try to make it all work. However, something always happens and I end up failing miserably at one or many of the things on my plate.
I'm learning to be content with my own failures. Learning to be satisfied with the end result even if I intended to accomplish more. As much as I have learned to be content with life, I'm still learning to be content with myself. I always want to be a better Mom, wife, teacher,house keeper, foster care advocate, and Christian.
About 6 months ago God began taking me on a journey of loss and stripping away all I was content with. I was wanting more of Him, more from my passion and more out of life. I could not be content with life and kept adding more things to fill my cup. Yet it was not working. For the last 6 years I have added every kind of different type of ministry. I never put much thought in to, should I volunteer in the nursery at church, be in charge of children's ministry, lead a small group, lead girl scouts, teach, Mentor aged out foster youth, or advocate for Foster Care. There were needs and someone need to jump in and help. So I jumped in. Along the way I became pretty clear about where I was passionate and what I should be doing. Yet how are you supposed to leave a need knowing someone else may not jump in and help.
So I've spent much of my time trying to balance. In my many hours on the road this past spring I pressed forward and spent many hours asking God how to do this. As I asked him where to head next, and how to be more efficient at where I was clear He was calling me, he began to call me to give up the things I was already doing.
So I came home, stepped down from leading the small group I was in charge of for the last 4 years and quit leading Girl Scouts. Both of these things were really hard to do. I knew I would not loose my friends in either area but I would loose the time we spent together working on these things. I felt like that was leaving my cup pretty empty.
Add to all these things one close friend moved 1000s of miles away and the another having to head back to the work force. I was feeling pretty empty.
Loosing time with both of these friends forced me to press for the answers myself. So I'm learning how to live in the tension as my Pastor says.
I'm suspended in the middle of being a Mom, wife, stay at home mom, a home-school mom, working part time as a teacher,and foster care advocate. None of which I'm amazing at, but all of which are me and I am content with that.

Update needed!

2010-07-02T17:31:00.004-02:00

So apparently I can't seem to blog anymore! I really want to, but can't seem to find the time. Days go by and the only reason I turn on my computer is for work or research..related to work! ( This blog was written in 3 day increments)

I currently have over 500 pictures on my camera from December till now. I just realized that it is July...and I really should get on it!

There have been huge changes in our house. For one we now own our very own house! We closed back in February. Since then it's been a roller coaster ride.

Here are a ton of things I should have blogged about:

March was a road trip to Colorado, we spent almost 3 weeks traveling and had a blast with friends and family along the way.

Abbie's first year of school ended. I hid my tears during the final ceremony, not sure why it made me sad but she is growing up too fast!

Josh is apparently the smartest kid in the World and was potty trained in about 3 days!

Abbie started taking Gymnastics and loves it. She ask every day if it's the day to go, each morning I find her dressed in a leotard and is practicing.

Josh has learned to talk almost to the point of being annoying. After months of therapy he is almost that the level they think he should be. I could care less about their charts and am tremendously impressed.

Abbie has participated in Gymnastics camp, VBS and Music camp these first few weeks of summer. We are really tired and ready for school to start!

We've decided to enrol Josh in preschool for the fall. He wanted to stay the day we got a tour of the classes. He is learning to count and his colors. Every thing is blue and he loves the number 9.

We took another road trip in May to celebrate Foster Care Awareness month. I loaded the kids up for the 8 hour drive to North Carolina. I enjoyed talking for 72 hours straight about my passion and heart for these kids.

Last but not least we finally got the house painted and furnished almost the way we want. Just in time for the social workers first visit to update our home study. Yes, in the midst of all that craziness we decided to adopt again.

Just as I was feeling settled into our new life, Nathaniel came to me and said he was thinking about adopting again. He said we have the room and there are plenty kids waiting. I was a little shocked. When we decided to adopt the first time I was the one pursuing it. I had done all the research and presented it to him to pray about.

For a while now I had been feeling like someone was missing. Often I would set out 3 plates when I was making a snack for the kids. At first I thought it was because we had initially planned on having 3 kids. Then because we had 10 people living all in one house while we were trying to close on ours, I thought it was because there were so many kids, I needed time to adjust to just having 2 around again. Now I think God may have been trying to lay something on heart.

One of the questions the social worker asked was, "If there was something you could change about your life right now, what would it be?" I thought for a while on that question. I realized that as hard as the past couple of years have been. I am completely content. There are numerous things I am working towards, but I am content in the waiting, content in the work and content in where we are.

Christmas of hope-

2009-12-26T21:16:00.000-02:00

We had a wonderful Christmas! Other than the fact that my camera was dead and I could not find the charging cord, the day was great.

The highlight from the day was getting to spend it with our friend Jennifer. I've written about her before. She came in to our life when she aged out of the foster care system back on May. It has been a tough road for her. We have moved her 3 times in 8 months. Rescued her from dangerous situations, and cried out to God on her behalf. She gave me a wonderful present of a letter letting me know how Thankful she was to have us in her life and she feels like we are the family she has never had.

In the past 8 months I have known her the only emotion I have seen in her is fear. She never seems sad, angery or even happy. She just seems to live in survival mode.
She had pure joy on her face as she made me read her letter out loud so everyone could hear it. I tried to hold my tears back as I read and looked at her face, finally seeing a true smile.
During present time she seemed overwhelmed and surprised to see presents addressed to her. I wrote her a card telling her how happy we were to know her and how proud we were of her for working so hard to make it in life. After reading it she broke down and started crying. I felt so bad for making her cry, but I was so excited to see her happy and sad. I felt like maybe a piece of her was beginning to heal.

Sometimes I am so confused as to why God has called us to her, and has given us a passion for kids like her. I wonder if what we are doing is even making a difference.

After yesterday seeing the hope in her life, I pray I can answer my question of doubt next time.

Josh enjoying his new ride.

Abbie, thankful she got whatever she asked for.

Jessica-
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A year together....

2009-12-22T12:56:00.002-02:00

On year ago we met Josh's foster parents on the side of the road, and did the final "transfer". It was an anticlimactic moment that did not represent the journey to get him. We did visits for a month with him to get to that moment. Going back and forth, meeting his foster parents at random places all over the city. While other people were shopping in the mall we would be picking Josh up in the parking lot for a visit. Of all the things that I have done in my life this was the weirdest. I often wonder what the employees of McDonald thought was going on. At 9am we would meet, a young black couple would hand over this white baby to a young white couple, we would meet a few hours later and give him back. We had no instructions for him. He was said to go with the flow and did not have any preferences about life. I wonder what they would think of my 2 year old that backs himself in to a corner telling me "No", if I pick out the wrong pair of shoes in the morning? He has opinions about everything. Who he likes, what he wears, what he eats and what he should do at any given time.

This Christmas we got to be the ones inside the mall. There were no transfers. The year has been amazing, hard,fun, full of laughter and tears. People often say he is so lucky to have us. As I am sure this will be something I tell him when he is 16, I feel like I am the lucky one.

A festive Christmas!

2009-12-11T12:41:00.001-02:00

Yesterday we had a Christmas party with our school. We were supposed to dress festive. I thought I would be funny and wear a really tacky home made christmas shirt. No,I did not make it. I really don't have time for that. I am sorry to that a few..to many of these other home schooling moms told me how cute it was. I am really praying they were just being nice!

Jessica-
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Chistmas Pictures 2009'

2009-12-09T19:10:00.005-02:00

A friend of mine who is just starting out in photography did our pictures this year. I just love them! If your local and interested in hiring her she is reasonable, check out her site here.

Thanks Mady!!!!

The Beach In December.

2009-12-07T17:47:00.001-02:00

This past weekend we headed to the beach. It was a cold 50' outside and raining. We cuddled inside and watched movies. Turned the heat on, wrapped our selves in blankets and opened the balcony doors just to hear the ocean! Here are my cute kids before we headed out the door to see Santa!

Jessica-
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Update in pitures..........

2009-12-02T11:10:00.010-02:00

This year has passed by so quickly! I can't believe the Christmas tree went up a week ago!

Abbie was very brave when we headed to the Fall Festival this year. She wanted to try this spinning thing. In an effort for her not to be afraid I let her do it. I thought she would be scared or get sick. She loved it and asked to do it again. However, I got to sick and she could not convince anyone else to ride with her again.

Josh hated our family traditiuon of carving a pumpkin, even though I got him his very own to do. Which left me trying to shove my big hand in a tiny pumkin to get it done. He really refused to touch it, but we decided to keep him anyway.

We celebrated our 7th Anniversary in October. Life has not always been easy but we are doing our work and making it work!

We spend most of our evenings playing outside because the Florida weather is so amazing, and others would be surprised to know we have been locked inside all summer in order not to die of a heat stroke!

Josh has grown into a playful kid with a lot attitude. You usually see him throwing a ball or growling like a dinosaur.

One year ago...We met Josh!

2009-11-25T10:08:00.002-02:00

This year has been a big year of first. One year ago we met Josh in a small little McDonald's restaurant. A young couple brought this tiny 14 month old kid in pajama's at 1pm and dropped him off. We were there to meet this little guy and decide if we wanted him to be part of our family. My mind was already made up and all I could think of was, "why is my son in public in his pajama's?"
The emotions of the day were so overwelming. When he was dropped of he was in a carseat. I just staired at him. I wanted to scoop him up and take him home. Yet I couldn't move. I was not sure what the "protocol" was. Does the social worker hand him to me, do I wait for him to reach for me? After about 30 seconds I did not care, we had fought for almost 2 years for this kid and I picked him up.
The PJ's on the right is the only physical memory of that day. We have no pictures of the first time we saw him. The PJ's on the left are the ones he wore yesterday. I am amazed at how much he has changed. A year ago he would not cuddle with me, yesterday he followed me around asking to be held.
Tomorrow will be our last "first" holiday with Josh. For the rest of the years to come he is ours and I am so Thankful for that!

It's been a while....

2009-11-10T23:29:00.005-02:00

There is still not a lot of time to blog and I am really kicking myself for missing some great stuff going on. But I can barley keep laundry done these days so here is a little glimpse of what is going on at our house.

(Updates in random order as they come to mind.)

We are still searching for a house.....not really sure where God is leading us.
Josh turned two. We had a very small party for him of about 50 People. Yeah and that really was just family! A lot of people love this kid. I hid my tears as we all sang "Happy Birthday" to him. It was a weird mixture of sadness and total happiness. Sadness because of missing his first birthday and for his birth family that is missing out on a great kids. Happiness because of who he is becoming and how much he has learned in the past year. And for the years ahead.
Abbie turned Five! I was totally sad over this. I didn't want my little baby to grow up. We celebrated with a little tea party, just like an American Girl. We had tons of fun and lots of tea in our sugar.
I went back to work. I am teaching at the school I was last year. This year instead of 15 students I have 75! I am completely exhausted at the end of the day but it's a lot of fun. I am teaching a culinary class based on America. We are basically cooking and eating our way across 50 states.
Abbie started Kindergarten! She had a rough couple of weeks in the beginning. Thankfully it's the same school I work at and only one day a week. For some reason my outgoing little girl was shy and clingy. After a few weeks she likes all her teachers, and the boy she sits with everyday at lunch. :)
Josh has started speech and occupational therapy. He has progress tremendously but there were a few things he was struggling with. He still does not suck well from a sippy cup and can not chew his food well. He also only has about 5 words including Mom and Dad that he uses on a regular basis. The therapist are confident that he will be on track soon.
Abbie started Girl Scouts. She is a cute little Daisy. She has loved getting together with her little girlfriends. Last week was their "official" induction into the "club". She had to stand on the stage in front of everyone and say the Girl Scout Promise. She was confident in herself and had not problem completing her task.
We are on the edge of our seat often. Josh has become a real dare devil. He jumps off the bed, couch, tables and sometimes the stairs. He gets hurt a lot but always tries again! No emergency visits yet, so we are keeping our fingers crossed.
Josh had surgery a few weeks ago to remove his hemangioma. I was curios if this was necessary. We decided to go ahead and do the surgery. Not until about a week ago did I notice the change. He seemed the same to us. However instead of getting comments at the grocery store asking questions about what it was, people were telling us how cute he was. It was a strange difference. Always being on the defence for him, and now people talking about him because they finally saw something they saw as beautiful. We are happy others see him the way we do.

That about sums it up. Grocery shopping, clipping coupons, Doctor visits and eating fits some where in it all. Just think...it's only a few weeks until Christmas and it's about to get busier!

A simple life full of changes.

2009-07-27T15:36:00.006-02:00

About 2 months ago I woke up and decided my life needed to be more simply. After adding a new kiddo I don't think I had completely woken up to the adjustment. I don't handle change very well. Yet God gives me passion for things at are outside my comfort zone that require the eventual need for change.

I was on a quest to live simply, free of clutter and chaos. Turns out I am really only able "control" the clutter in my life. Chaos comes with children, and life in general. Just as I began pulling out the label maker, bins and filling the goodwill box life took us a different direction. It seems as though the pulling to live simply was preparing me to let go of my "things".

We have been looking for a house to buy and not much is coming up in the area we want to be in. I kept wondering if as I was feeling called to get rid of our excess, was I being prepared to live in a really tiny place? Our lease was up at our house and there were still not many prospects. With the way the economy is here you either find a foreclosure that will need major repairs or a house way over priced because the owner bought it at a really bad time.

My husband and I have been feeling at a really odd place in our life. We have many friends who have lost their jobs. We on the other hand we feel as secure as you can be in an economy like this. We've learned to live off a meager income, clip coupons and our social life consist of playing cards on the weekends. When many of our friends are trying to keep their homes we are looking to buy one.

We decided to move into a small apartment in order to save more money for our down payment. During the discussion process sweet friends of ours offered to let us stay with them so we could save even more money. These same friends are also unemployed. Talk about hospitality and giving when you don't have much. What an amazing example. I realized that the calling to get rid of my stuff, and share with others was really what I was learning. It was not just about living simply.

We decided that we love them enough to make the same sacrifice they were willing to make for us, we made for them. They were willing to give up privacy and share their home. We decided that we would give up the same privacy that an apartment would give us and "rent" some space from them. They are helping us save a huge amount of money and not be stuck in a lease so we are able to move when a house becomes available. Hopefully we will help them with the stress of paying bills without an income.

For someone who doesn't handle change very well, I feel at peace. This was, is and will be a lesson in sacrifice. I became clear to me that living simply doesn't mean getting rid of excess things in my life. I means "needing" less stuff in my life. Changing my heart from "needing" things such as material things or my own privacy.

For our friends, I am not sure how much sacrifice or loss they will have to endure. Poor Cassie has already lost a pair of shoes to or dog and a C.D. player to Joshua. :)

Cow Appreciation Day

2009-07-10T21:36:00.004-02:00

The Whole Herd headed to Chick-Fil-A for free meals tonight.

Happy Father's Day From Wendy's

2009-06-18T12:19:00.004-02:00

What could be better than treating your Dad's to a frosty this weekend? It will benefit the foster kids of America! That's what I'm talkin about!

Head to Wendy's some time Saturday or Sunday, and buy a round of frosty's for the family. They will love you for it and so will all the kids with out a Mom and Dad. You can also go here and design a FREE card for your Dad and the kids will benefit too.

There is no other way I would like to celebrate Father's Day this weekend, than making a choice to contribute to the kids that need a Father.

Feed the forgotten! I did!

2009-06-03T08:40:00.006-02:00

You can feed these children for $0.14. A $1 will feed their entire family. Go hear to GIVE.

(don't for get to put "feed the forgotten" in the notes!)

Poop!

2009-05-29T12:00:00.001-02:00

I know this face looks sweet and Innocent but it's NOT! This morning was one of those morning and I was thankful that I had woken up early. I had gone to work out, already eaten,had my 2 cups of coffee, had some quiet time and was ready for the day. Boy was I ever thankful because I was going to need patience. After making muffins ( a rare nice mom thing I do) I went in to wake up Josh. I found him awake and pant less!

A new thing he has learned is to take off his diaper. I never mentioned this to my husband who put him to bed last night in a cute pair of baby boxers. Since those little boxers are easy to get out of, it made his diaper completely accessible. I found 1 clean diaper and a urine soaked bed with poop smeared all over it. GROSS! There was poop in his hair,all over the crib, sheets, bumper and the few stuffed animals he ask to take to bed.

I am not the kind to grab the camera in these special times of parenting. However, just imagine the delight in his face when I walked in and then his puzzled look when I gasped in horror. It's now lunch time. Everyone has had baths. I have cleaned up the mess. Washed the laundry. Wiped out the washer from the "debris" left over and now it's time for naps. Don't worry I am looking for the duck tape to fasten the diaper. What's that the social worker said about adopting a teenager?

Fun in the Sun!

2009-05-28T09:25:00.005-02:00

I am a planner. I don't like spontaneity or change. After a crazy week and honestly a few crazy months, my spontaneous husband decided we needed some time away. Last Thursday he realized he had a 3 day weekend. So he came home and announced he had reserved our families condo and we were leaving after he got home from work Friday. I had a million reasons why we should not go. To list a few, it was supposed to rain all weekend. I don't really have a bathing suit that fits. I hate sand. Kids require a lot of stuff to go on a trip. I had no desire to pack up the pack & play, mini high chair, snacks for 4 days, many changes of clothes, diapers, sun screen, beach toys, beach chairs and sippy cups. The thought of throwing this together in the next 24 hours was crazy to me. If I were going to do this it should have been on the calendar for at least a month so I could prepare my mind for the work load. I decided to put a smile on my face and indulge him.

Mr. Spontaneity was right we did need a break. We had a great time. Lots of playing in the sand,flying kites,watching movies and reading some great books. He was so nice he didn't even make me get that dirty. I think I spent all of 4 hours on the beach the entire weekend. The rest of the time was spent on the balcony reading books during Joshua's nap times. I love listening to the ocean. And come to find out it only rained once at the beach, and it rained the entire weekend at our house!

Thanks Honey, I don't say it often, but you were right!

Wordless Wednesday-Please don't grow up!

2009-05-27T08:56:00.007-02:00

Abbie and Jordan are great friends. They understand each other and have learned to compromise at the young age of four. Abbie is willing to play Star Wars as long as Jordan is willing to play house. I love watching them together, it's so funny. I want them to stay young forever!

My Story and Her story.

2009-05-21T17:31:00.002-02:00

Some how I have always been strong. The trials my life has entailed has required that I persevere. If I gave up I would have died long ago.

I have been thinking a lot this week about my "story". This week I have had privilege, along with a few friends, to help an 18 girl who just aged out of the foster care system. We have been getting to know her a little more each day. More of her story is being revealed. However, I can fill in the blanks myself just by looking in her eyes. I am sure her story is much worse than mine, however seeing the look in her eyes brings me back to 10 years ago.

When I was a teenager my father dropped me off at a friends house. My stepmother had told him to choose between her or me. I had lived with abuse for so many years. I was exhausted with the feeling of knowing I was too much and not enough. I was tired of hoping to be loved. I was tired of being hit. I was tired of feeling like I had no value. I couldn't handle watching my Dad try and decide over and over whether he would choose his daughter or his new wife. I don't think I could honestly take the rejection again. I made the suggestion to go and stay at a friends house. I think my father agreed thinking that this would be the usual pattern. Blow up, fight, take a break, apologize and start the cycle again in next week. That night I left with the cloths on my back, pajamas, a change of cloths and my school books. I left that day knowing I would never be hit again, I never planned to return.

Over the next few years the friend that took me in and her family became my rescuers. She taught me how to hold my head up high. She picked me up off the floor when I was crippled with fear that I would have to return "home". She helped me as I struggled to make it through school. She taught me how to value myself and not be taken advantage of. She taught me how to use what I had been through and become stronger.

I remember being afraid to be alone. When I finally did move out a few years later, and I was on my own I had to pretend like I was an adult. My friend who I had now taken to calling "Mom", helped set me up in my new apartment. Even though I thought I was ready, I wasn't. I remember one day I needed to call the phone company to have them go and turn my service on in my new apartment. For some reason I was afraid to call. I would dial the number and hang up several times. Finally when my Mom got home I had her call for me. I can't remember what I was afraid of or why it was so hard for me. I just didn't know what to say or how to be an adult, even though I was almost 19 years old.

Tuesday as I left this young girls apartment I could not stop crying. I saw who I was 10 years ago in her eyes. She is broken, alone and trying to survive. Her first night in her apartment she could not get any of the lights to work. She had no furniture or television to keep her company. Laying awake on the floor late that night she was able to get a hold of a friend to come get her because she was so scared to stay by herself in the dark. Until yesterday she had not ventured out of her apartment to discover where the dumpster was to take her trash, because she was afraid.

I remember that fear. I didn't realize until this week all that I had been rescued from or what I have rescued my son from. I pray that one day she is only able to remember this fear..

Foster Care Prayer Vigil

2009-05-18T12:00:00.005-02:00

This month is National Foster Care Month. In honor of that, the people over at Cry of the Orphan have started a campaign to have prayer vigils for these lost kids all across the country. If you are local we would love to have you join us at our home tonight. If not you can go here to organize one in your city.

I got an email late last night about an girl whose turning 18 today. I remember feeling like I was finally an adult on that day,yet afraid I really was still just a kid. Her day looks a little different. Because she is 18, she has aged out of the system. Her social workers are trying to set up an apartment for her. They sent out an email because they still could not find a bed. On such a special day she is now forced to grow up. We have found a bed for her and our community of coupon ladies are planning to stock her up on groceries and cleaning supplies. She is who we will be praying for tonight. Happy Birthday sweet girl!

Below are local available kids for adoption. Be praying they find their forever family!

Wordless Wednesday-Falling asleep on the job.

2009-05-13T08:29:00.004-02:00

I had to snap this picture of Josh! I have never had a kids do this. Abbie was always on the go and would stay awake as long as she could. I turned around yesterday during lunch and this is what I found. Thankfully he had already finished his lunch and was on to the "cracker portion" of his meal.

You can check out other Wordless Wednesday Blogs here!

Pure Joy!

2009-05-12T12:53:00.003-02:00

Being a Mother to two kids has it's trials. Cleaning up after them is a ton of work. Laundry is doubled. The amount of sticky finger prints on my walls is to many to count.

But it really is pure joy. After thinking we would never have children, to being surprised to become pregnant and thinking our 2 year adoption process would never be complete, I am in awe.

This Mother's Day was a little strange to me. I thought I would be feel so complete to finally have Josh home, and be his mama. As we sat in church and the men and kids made plans to celebrate us, I could not stop thinking about how hard this day is for others with out a Mama.

I cried for my friends who have lost their Mama's and I could not stop crying for the children that need Mama's. This Hallmark holiday just hit me to the core. Days like this are not special unless there is something to celebrate.

I really enjoy being a Mommy to my kiddos. I pray that God allows me to give other kids the gift of having a Mom. For me this is pure joy, no matter the struggles to be given this job is a blessings.

Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T09:40:00.003-02:00

I honestly hated Mother's day until I became a Mother. It's always been an awkward holiday. My birth Mom was never around, some years were spent with my step and and that strained relationship, and others hoping and waiting to become a Mom. The Lord has placed many women in my life that deserve honoring on this special day. I pray they know I love them today!

The house is quiet, I am sure not for long. Abbie told me earlier this week that she was going to get me the "bet present in the whole wide world!" She and her Dad went shopping earlier and they have hidden my present somewhere. I think I have an idea because she keeps telling me, "Dad is outside watering your old plant."

I am grateful today that God has blessed us with sweet friends to celebrate our day. And he has chosen me to care for 2 crazy kids. They keep me on my toes, praying to the Lord for strength and are making me lean on Jesus each day. I love them more than words can say!

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

Kids in the system.

2009-05-02T13:52:00.005-02:00

Through this adoption with foster care God has really given me a passion for the kids in the system. This is not about just getting a child for myself, this is about them.

One day I was in our agencies office reviewing Joshua's file when my life was changed. You often see poster's of cute kids looking for families. Great photographs of the waiting kids. But what about the real kids? I was sitting there waiting for my social worker, when I spotted him. A little boy about 9 years old. You have seen him too. He looks just like your son. He was leaving the building with his backpack, a black trash bag and a few pieces of paper. I have no idea where the social worker was taken him or where he had come from. Here is a child carrying his life in his hands. He is the system.

I was reminded of him this week when I was reading a great blog written by a foster mom named Hope. She wrote these profound words about a little girl who is going through a few disruptive placements. She expressed the same struggle I have had with having to watch kids suffer in the system and there is not much you can do about it.

The feeling of not being able to do anything is heart wrenching. I heard about a little boy available for adoption this week. He is four years old, and has had 3 adoption disruptions. Something is so serious that all his siblings have already been adopted with out him. It kills me that I have to be another person to say no to him.

First Beach Trip!

2009-05-01T15:44:00.007-02:00

I wasn't planning on going to the Beach anytime soon. To be honest I have not really gotten used to packing for overnight for 2 kids, much less a day at the beach. The thought of watching 2 kids in shark infested water, and all that dirt was way to overwhelming. However, last week my friend Jaime got stuck at the beach. She is one of those spontaneous, spare of the moment crazy people. She had packed up 6 kids and decided it would be fun. When she called to tell me that her key had snapped in half and she was going to wait on her husband to come bring her a key or she would call a tow truck. She was actually laughing. I would have been crying, but that is who she is. I decided if she could pack up 6 kids and endure all that dirt and danger, I could too.
We packed up and left in 30 minutes! I was pretty proud of myself. We had tons of fun. Thanks Jaime for making me be a little spontaneous.

There was lots of dirt eaten. I kept telling Josh not to eat the dirt. A few minutes later I would turn around to find him doing it again.

The water was freezing cold. I only went in to rescue people if they got to far out. The kids really enjoyed jumping in the waves.
Because it was such a quick trip we didn't pack any food. After a long day at the beach we were to tired to get fast food clean up after ourselves. So we women and our eight kids headed to Outback. We figured the kids would enjoy the free bread while we waited on the meal. We got several looks, people kept counting and trying to figure out the "situation". We only had 1 rude comment of some poor guy refusing to be sat by our table with "all those kids". I couldn't blame him. I have tried to go out for a nice dinner and asked the same thing. When you have loud kids at home you don't want to hire a sitter and listen to someone elses. However, he was not very quiet about his disapproval and all the kids heard him say he did not want to sit by them. Abbie said," Did you hear what he said, he is a mean guy."

Surprisingly, our almost 3 hour dinner was perfect. No drinks were spilt, plates broken or silver ware thrown. It really was fun. The kids played games and we chatted. We even got a comment from a nice old man about how well behaved our kids were.

The funniest part to me about the evening was when the hostess came over to the table. He was coming to check to see if we were the owners of the BMW out front. I had to giggle, not unless they now make mini vans!

A sweet gift!

2009-04-27T18:29:00.004-02:00

One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in the adoption process was the time we missed. As we searched for clues to Joshua's past there is not much information. We quickly discovered that we took more photo's of Joshua in the first day we had him, than had been taken his whole life. We asked around for a few months for photo's and no one had anything. It saddened me greatly. It not often that adoptive parents even get pictures of there children's lived before them. However, Josh was not born in a 3rd world country. In America a throw away camera cost $3.99 at CVS. I am so grateful that he didn't have to spend many year in the system, and now he has a mama that documents his life daily.

The other day my sweet social worker sent me a gift. She had found a small picture of Josh from when he was around 5 months old. He looks so different to me. It's the same little guy he just has life in his eyes now.

Four Months down-a life time to go...

2009-04-22T10:39:00.002-02:00

Four months ago today Joshua officially moved in. Life has changed so much. But Josh has changed even more. He has gone from a little baby, to a full blown toddler. We are completely in love with him. Want to know how I figured out I was in love with him? He annoys the crap out of me! Seriously, the kid is crazy. I can go from being so frustrated with him, to laughing at the way he is so dramatic. When we first met him he would not cry at all. Now he cries over everything until we kiss it and tell him he is ok. Sometimes he really is hurt and most of the time it's just drama. He has his own idea's of what he would like to do. Recently when I tell him not to do something he has begun closing his eyes. Yes, it's like he is pretending he can't hear me. Here are some of he major changes he has gone through in the past four months.

He has gone from crawling to running.
He had eight teeth, and now has 16!
He only took a bottle and some baby food, now he eats what ever you offer him and a lot of it. Given it does not belong in the vegetable food group.
Gone from 18lbs to 23 lbs.
Not talking at all to saying, Dada,Mama,Dog, and go.He can now sign, "bye,bye","more","all done","please",and does the head motion for "yes" and "no".
The best change of all is he has gone from a foster kids, to a former foster kid!!!

Josh is very active. He mimics everything. Yesterday he was getting really frustrated because he finally figured out how to get on the tricycle, and then he could not make it go. When Nathaniel was working on the car, Josh grabbed a wrench and went to work. He adores his Dad, looks ups to his sister and uses me to communicate with the two of them. Because they usually don't get what he is trying to tell them. We still rock him to sleep most of the time. He continues to wake up during the night, but it's usually to play. He only takes one nap a day now and is one the move for the rest of the day. He is a normal boy. Rarely pays attention to what he is doing. He runs into walls, falls off of chairs, trips all the time. At first I thought he was still getting used to walking. I have come to realize he is just to excited about what he is about to do next to worry about how he is getting there.

Our life is full of adventure around here. Four months seems so short, but it feels like it's been forever.

Going Green-Again.

2009-04-20T09:24:00.007-02:00

Remember last year we went "green" by planting a few tomato plants. I am not a tie-dye wearing hippie but I am feeling pretty good about my contribution to taking care of the Earth. The tomato's were successful. We started a little late this year because we are still trying to adjust to our new normal. We got a great idea from a wonderful blogger, Ami. I noticed she has everything in raised beds and there the seed was planted. I know, what a wonderful play on words. Thankfully my friend Cassie had a great idea to do a community garden. I was wondering how I would fit laundry, house cleaning, volunteer work, homeschooling, a shower and gardening into Joshua's very short afternoon nap. This weekend we put four garden beds in Cassie's backyard. I can't wait until harvest time.

Here are a few pictures from the fun weekend. I am tired, a little sun burned but completely stoked.

Here is a tiny Gardener checking to see if dirt really does taste gross.

He approves...now maybe we can get him to eat vegetables.

Yeah, right Mom!

Our completed squash bed!

Abbie recording some data for our garden journal.

Lets hope she enjoys the weeding just as much as the record keeping!

You figure it out.

2009-04-16T05:05:00.001-02:00

We plan to have Josh grow up with the understanding that he is adopted. We don't want to sit him down one day and "explain". So we will answer his questions as he grows and his comprehension of how he came to our family becomes greater.

However we are in a unique situation. People either regularly comment about his hemangioma or tell him how much he looks like his Dad. Honestly I don't understand why people talk to us all the time. I don't regular talk to strangers, but they always seem to talk to us.

He does have his Dad's blue eyes, but I refuse to tell strangers that Nathaniel didn't give them to him genetically.

The other day we were at the drug store picking up some diapers. The manager came over to talk to Josh and Abbie. Abbie decided at that moment she wanted to share the miracle that has happened in our lives with this woman. Can you tell that she is the one that enjoys talking to strangers? She proceeds to tell this woman that we "just got him" and "now he is her little brother". The woman looks confused and makes no comment. So Abbie tells her again. At that moment I had to decide if I wanted to explain adoption to this woman or just let her be confused.

I don't want Josh to hear over and over that he is adopted. As much as I want to share our story there is a time and place. I can't stand it when people separate their kids in conversation with their kids around. The bios vs. the adopted. The kids from your belly and the ones from your heart. Therefore, the lady just had to figure it out on her own.

Regardless if our kids have blue eyes,brown skin, or are really tall. They are ours. If you ask I will tell you, if not figure it out on your own.

Easter

2009-04-15T05:35:00.000-02:00

Easter was a fun and busy celebration. It was fun to celebrate Joshua's first Easter home. The weekend began with out church Spring Fling. I didn't have the camera so there are no pictures. However, I don't think I could have gotten any. The day was a little overwhelming for Josh, there were so many people he never really got comfortable. He didn't want me to put him down. Therefore 85' degree weather, 1500 people, no shade and a 23 pound toddler were not to exciting to speak about.

Sunday we did our own Easter egg hunt for the kids and Josh finally caught on. He continued to throw the eggs like they were balls, but finally decided to keep them in the basket.

A few of the creative hiding spots the Dad's found.

Abbie and Jordan informing the newcomers how this works.

Ready..Set...and GO!

I love the look on their faces.

Josh getting the hang of it.

Abbie an old pro.

I found another one..

Coming out with the prize.

Look at all the stuff I got Mom!

Examining one of his prizes from his eggs. Our kids don't get Easter baskets. But since they are not allowed much candy we fill the eggs with little prize. My theory is give less and they will be grateful for more. They are thrilled with tiny rings and necklaces that were 8 for a dollar.

I love when toddlers squat down like this.

Attempt at a family picture. It had to be turned to black and white because the choir uniform did not match the rest of my families Easter outfits.

We had a fun weekend, but boy was I tired Monday!

Celebrating Passover

2009-04-14T09:24:00.007-02:00

Last week Passover began. We have been wanting to celebrate some traditional Jewish holidays as a family. The history is amazing, and the lessons on God's faithfulness is beautiful.

It took quite a bit of planning. Thankfully the library was a great resourse of information. We tried lots of new food and learned quite a bit.

Dad reading the passover story to Abbie and Josh.
Gramps leading our Sedar.

Washing our hands during our Sedar.

Listening while following along in her Haggadah.

Keeping Abbie Busy..

2009-04-12T02:32:00.001-02:00

Being a big sister brings lots of responsibilities. There are twice the amount of toys to pick up. Josh is pretty good at making messes, but not so good at cleaning them up yet. So how do I get her to help out? By rewarding her of course! What do you think she wanted? Candy, new toys, a movie, Ice cream? No she wanted to vacuum! I couldn't tell her now after all the work she did could I? I told her she can only vacuum when she helps me out with out complaining and does a really good job. I think this arrangement could work out.

A slide + a few bruises= hours of fun!

2009-04-11T02:12:00.000-02:00

Aunt Cassie has all those big kids so she gave us her little slide. Josh is in heaven! He figure out after a few falls that you have to sit down to go down and not get hurt. He plays with this slide all
day long. Do you know how many things you can do with a slide? You can slide down it. You can slide on your bottom, slide on you tummy, climb up the slide, also you can throw toys up and down the slide. Then there are the stairs, you can find a million things to do with them!

Thanks Aunt Cassie, don't mind the miss matched socks. Those were a quick fix so he can go down faster and not scream from being stuck!

Being a big sister...is a big job.

2009-04-10T01:26:00.002-02:00

Abbie has taken her job as big sister seriously. If you haven't noticed Josh has a hemangioma on his face. When we first met Josh, Abbie needed an explanation. Once she knew that he was ok she left it at that. She is always ready to answer other people questions. Actually we get a question every time we go out. Either from a rude adult or a curios kid. Yes, there are rude adults. I actually had a social worker tell me she had seen a special on the discovery channel with people that had "those". She said they didn't remove it and it grew all over the persons body. Exactly what a new mom needed to here.

There are no real complications with the hemagioma. Other than it being sensitive skin and Josh scratching it open often. Typically they go away. However due to the size Josh will have to have surgery to repair the skin now or later. We actually scheduled the surgery last month, but due to a paper work issue with the judge it was cancelled.
Abbie has gotten used to the questions. The other day an old co-worker came to meet Josh. She was talking to him when Abbie came up to tell her,"it's just a birth mark." The poor lady was a little stunned as she took the full brunt of Abbie's frustration with so many asking. I apologized and told Abbie she had not even asked.
The next day while we were playing at the park Abbie had the opportunity to answer the question again. She was up at the top of the slide with Josh when I heard a little boy asking what happened to him. He asked a few times and she just continued to ignore him. Finally she looked at him and said, "just don't worry about it!"
I died laughing, I have wanted to say the same thing to so many adults.

Celebrating a long journey!

2009-04-09T08:51:00.015-02:00

On Sunday we dedicated Josh to the Lord. It was symbolic for us. We wanted to share our journey with our church and show God how grateful we are for this amazing gift.
Then to celebrate we threw a small party at a local park. By small I mean, I stopped inviting people when the number hit 100! We wanted to invite hundreds of friends and scream our happiness from the roof tops. But according to my husband there have to be some limits.

Due to the heat here in March we ditched the idea of cake and my great father in-law made snow cones for the crowd.

Because my husband still likes to play and instigate craziness he came up with a use for the extra crushed ice. There was an all out snow ball fight in 85 degree weather. The fight continued until all the supplies were gone.

Here are a few of the women hiding behind Josh in hopes of not being hit with a snow ball.

We had a blast and I don't think I recovered until Tuesday. As fun as the party was, I think most of our friends and family were more excited that the adoption was final because that meant they could hold Josh. As an attachment thing we have not allowed anyone hold Josh for the past few months. Now if he reaches for you, you can pick him up. There was no official time line, but I am guessing the more we settle in because things are final so did Josh.

Adoption Day!!!.....

2009-03-31T08:50:00.017-02:00

After a long wait and the additional required 90 days by the state, it's official! I have to say I am so glass half empty that I fully expected problems. It must have been God's sense of humor because the issues that did come up were cleared with in a few minutes. First the attorney for the state came in with the file for Joshua's brother, and tried to confirm with us we were ready to adopt him. We said, no he was adopted last month! So they went to find Joshua's file. Second we could not find our social worker, the women that recommends to the judge that we are a good family for Joshua. I am sure she was working on our case but my heart did skip a few beats until I saw her just before the judge came in.

As we were sitting at the table waiting for the judge, Abbie asked, "Mom, are you adopting me too?"
Us with our great Attorney, she made it so much less stressful for me. She is an adoptive mama too, so I knew she would stress for me if something was wrong. Other than a few signatures we did nothing for the special day. You know besides keeping the house clean for social workers visits and loving Josh.

Our social worker and the two boys that brought us together.

Two families changed for a life time, brought together by two brothers.

Yeah, we are done!

First family photo as a "legal" family.

Kisses for Daddy!